“What if we don’t get to go?” I asked, voice trembling slightly.
After all, just 2 weeks ago, we’d had a glorious farewell and commissioning service to say goodbye. Everyone present prayed and cheered us on for our journey to Tanzania.
But over the past week, with more medical investigations and worsening pain, the thought “What if we can’t go?” loomed in our minds.
A friend asked me, “What would it take for God to show you that you weren’t meant to go?”
“A doctor’s diagnosis,” I replied. “If the doctors deem me unfit to go. Or if the work permit application fails.”
James 4:13-15 says, “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
I am learning, how, for all our plans made, all we can do is to live a day at a time, wholly surrendered to God’s will.
Maybe we’ll go and thrive for years.
Maybe we’ll go but head back after six months when our work permits are rejected.
Maybe we’ll go but head back after three months if my pain worsens or depression develops, or if one of us falls severely ill etc.
Who knows if we’ll even get on that plane?
Nobody but God knows our future.
But we’ll keep moving forward. We’ll keep emptying our home, keep trusting, keep believing, one step at a time.
I’m learning- that if we go, it’s not because we are better or more faithful or more committed Christ-followers. It is because we got to.
One day at a time— with grief and stoicism, hope and trust, that’s all we can do to live for God, one day at a time.
Thankfully, that’s all He requires of us.