Anna’s Story: Growing Up.

I like the name Anna. I always have. It’s plain, simple, straightforward, and unpretentious. Just like the way most things should be. I’ve always liked the name Anna.

Even long before Anorexia arrived, I’d already named the little girl in Kitesong Anna. Little did I know what it strangely foreboded, for it was only much later in Therapy that I learnt, quite eerily with goosebumps too, that Professional People all over the world often, in the process of therapy, personify the illness as a separate being, most commonly known as E.D (eating disorder), Ed (like a boy’s name), or… … Ana.

Terrible coincidences.

Anorexia is a complex illness, and everyone who suffers from it has a Story unique to himself. Its roots often stem from one’s childhood, past trauma, one’s personality, or a combination of them all. When all these factors interact with present circumstance, they may result in a toxic manifestation that takes the form of Anorexia. That is why the Professional People can work in a team of up to four or more- psychologist, psychiatrist, dietician, family therapist, phyisiotherapist etc… as they each treat the illness from a different angle, wearing down this huge Monster of an illness.

What may be slightly more disturbing or perhaps, fortunate, is how these drawings accurately represent my inner world that I’m unable to express through my own words. These drawings have been vital in my Recovery, for my therapists often glean more insight from them, pointingly accurately, too.

I’ve never really given Anna an introduction. For those of you who frequent this space and have been journeying with me, I’m sure you know who she is.

This is Anna, Anna from Kitesong, Anna from Anorexia, Anna from… me.

And this is Anna’s Story.

Anna’s Story

Once upon a time in a not so far away land, there was a little girl named Anna.

Her favourite colour was White but she lived in a dark place, where everything was either blue, or grey or black, where there were black monsters and dark blue clouds hovering above her always.

Most of the time, Anna was very scared or sad. In order to survive in the dark evil place, Anna was forced to Grow Up very quickly, so she could fend for herself. Hence, she became very Big and Strong and Capable on the outside, even though she really was still a little girl on the inside.

One day, Anna found a White House which belonged to a man called Mister God. She was so happy because she found that this new place was filled with colours. Red! Yellow! Green! Purple! Rainbow colours! And best of all, White!

Anna was very happy, because she found her White Place. And Mister God was also a very nice man. His Plan was for a Bright and Happy future for her, where she could Grow Up to be a bright, happy person.

This, however, made the black and blue monsters very upset. They decided they would put a curse on her, that she may never Grow Up- that for all eternity, she would remain as a child, even though there was such Beauty and Wonder in Mister God’s plan for her new phase of adulthood.

They placed a blue and black curse upon her, and introduced her to a bad man called Ed. Whenever Mister God tried to show Anna His wonderful Plan for her, the evil monsters would scheme and use Ed to tell Anna how undeserving she was of such a bright and happy future. Ed made Anna believe that he was the only was who could make Anna feel safe and secure.

Ed was a Very Bad Man, and slowly drained little Anna away. Anna’s Big People were very worried, and could not understand why she suffered so deeply, or why she so often had angry, childish outbursts.

What nobody knew was that- Because Anna had been forced to Grow Up so quickly on the outside while she was still little, and never really experienced a complete childhood, the black and blue monsters which stayed with her caused little Anna to rebel against Growing Up.

Anna yearned for the Bright and Happy Child memories she never had, for hugs and bedtime stories, for her Bright and Happy Child Friends, like Raggedy-Ann and Teddy, and little Miss Giraffy, which she had heard other Children had had before. Day by day, she grew more and more resentful towards the Big People, whom she felt Abandoned by.

While Mister God had Plans for Anna to Grow Up beautifully, Ed and the evil monsters made Anna feel unworthy to do so.

How would Growing Up Beautifully ever be possible? Anna asked. In truth, Anna didn’t really want to Grow Up because in the black and blue house, she never really had a chance to be a little child-like Child. She had been forced to Grow Up very quickly on the outside even though she really was a little girl inside.

This Struggle made Anna very ill, because it made her very confused, and angry and resentful. It also made her throw lots of tantrums around the dinner table in front of Grown-Ups, because she was feeling hurt, insecure and unloved. Her angry outbursts and reliance on Ed made her feel very ashamed and even more Abandoned.

Sometimes, she felt so Abandoned that she thought she would never get better. But Mister God was always there for her.

Recovery, for Anna, means letting go of past hurts and moving on, releasing unforgiveness and walking forwards, letting go of her desperate longing to be a Child again and her dependence on Ed to cope so she can finally put her trust in Mister God to help her Grow Up to be a Bright and Happy Grown-Up.

Recovery means seeing herself all Grown-Up without needing Ed to assure her; it means seeing herself well and happy without seeing Ele anymore; it means letting go of the past and anchoring herself in Mister God so she can walk into the Future that He has planned for her.

And this is part of Anna’s Story of Growing Up, of letting go, and of being free, to walk into the Bright and Happy Future Mister God has for her.

Thank you for walking with her through this arduous process. Wai Jia has been making good progress in Recovery with the team at Singapore General Hospital. With the help of Mister God, her physical health has been fully restored, she has been allowed to participate in races again, and no longer needs to follow a prescribed meal plan. The past few months have seen her through several breakthroughs, because of the Team, your encouragement and most of all, her loved ones (especially her special friends and the Big People) who have patiently supported her. She would not have come this far if it weren’t for their long-suffering love towards her, their incredible patience to learn more about her illness through therapy, and their consistent support, prayers, and faith in her.

“God’s grace is sufficient… -2 Cor 12:9”