Incarnational

I have often wondered about the point and purpose of living in a developing country- where the systems, culture and everything I know is vastly different.

I’ve known so many doctors with great ambitions to change lives and impact the poor, who come here supercharged and enthusiastic, only to become dismally frustrated, cynical and angry, eventually.

I don’t blame them. They studied so hard, achieved so much, sacrificed a great deal— only to find themselves floundering and struggling amidst a sea of challenges, and asking themselves, “What was the point of this all?”

I, too, have asked myself the same question.

Wouldn’t it all have been more productive and worthwhile had we stayed where we were comfortable?

Then I come across this quote and am reminded of the point of Jesus’ life.

Yes He had a big-picture purpose. But I can say, it wasn’t evident in day-to-day life for decades. Day after day, he worked in a carpenter’s workshop, unnoticed yet unfettered. He went through pain, heartache, hardship- all of which He could have averted had He stayed home in heaven.

But He didn’t. He chose to go because of obedience.

— Maybe that is life for me now. I don’t envy having cPTSD in the field, I don’t like struggling with loud sound triggers, barking dogs, navigating what people really mean when they say one thing but mean another in a shame-honor culture, grappling with what’s right and wrong when cultural references are so different… but I know one thing— that in spite of the questionable productivity every day, I feel an inexplicable peace of being here. There is sorrow but also joy, grief but also gratitude.

And I am shocked that I have come to knowing that I don’t need tasks checked off to feel productive. I only need this abiding knowledge that I have been obedient and faithful. And trust that God is using this season to bear His fruitfulness in me.

May you, in yr challenges, know that deeply, too.

You are enough.

I often think— we spend much of our lives polishing our qualifications, amassing our accolades— all to prove to ourselves and the world that we are good enough to serve God with, when in fact, what is really needed, when push comes to shove, is a deep humility to surrender our comforts and be faithful in the small things, be patient amidst setbacks, be enduring in hard times.

Our shiny awards don’t mean nothing here.

I know I’m often a lot more sensitive to things and with CPTSD, I understand why. But with the dogs next door, and the worsening situation, I spent time in prayer today asking God for breakthrough, for a solution, because it breaks my heart not to see heaven on earth, to see mistreatment and abuse, to see loneliness and despair.

This week I was confronted with an ethical dilemma and while I can’t share too much now, a verse struck me today- that the Lord is compassionate to ALL He has made. He loves us all. And He loves a gentle, grateful stewarding of all He has made.