I must admit, going on a silent retreat felt really hard.
In a way, finding quiet in a life of constant hustle, chaos and distraction felt like cold turkey.
But perhaps, that’s what we all need once in a while.
To go away from the world, as Jesus did, so we can return to thrive in it again.
Slowing down meant being able to see the beauty in so many overlooked places—
Like in the handiwork of these sand bubbler crabs.
These crabs stay inside their holes, coming out during the low tide to look for food radially. In the process, they create inflated sand balls, which look like micro-galaxies on the sand.
To work so hard, only to have everything washed off later, reminded me so much of Ecclesiastes- and the truth that…
… until we realize our work is a meaningless “chasing after the wind,” we will never be able to truly enjoy its process nor its fruit.
So many things to give thanks for- a series of surprises from God reminding me He was present and real—
1. The gift of this retreat- I’d never imagined being able to do this. But when someone said she felt prompted to do this for me, and I went silent for months because I felt too embarrassed to accept it, I’m grateful it wasn’t too late to say yes when Cliff encouraged me to.
2. My lunch order got messed up and I ate it in the end. But when the staff discovered it, they offered me dinner on the house.
3. Due to another error of the staff, they extended my checkout time and gave me another two drinks on the house.
3. My room got changed to one facing the sea.
😭😭
I wondered- why did it take so much for God to arrest me in my relentlessly harried life?
If that’s you, if you think it’s impossible to take a retreat in this season of your life, may I encourage you to just close your eyes and pray that at some point, God may avail the opportunity for you to do so.
It doesn’t have to be expensive or lavish or time consuming. I used to hide just two hours in my bathroom when my kids were little.
But it will require something of you. It will cost you a heart of surrender.
Since our youngest child turned 4, Cliff and I decided to gift each other the chance to each go on solo retreats once a year.
I know it sounds scandalously extravagant. To an extent, it indeed is a privilege.
But I am learning- how it’s not the cost, or location or activities one does, but the posture of one’s heart that makes a difference.
It’s the posture of surrendering time to seek God alone, away from our lives.
God never fails. He always grant breakthrough through this marvelous gift exchange.
One of the ways I often feel God’s personal touch is when He presents wildlife to me.
This is a blue lagoon jellyfish apparently, that was beached up to shore.
How my heart rose with warmth, when, at the end of my trip at the airport, I sat next to an Australian Aquariumist & Managing Director of a zooogical garden & aquarium, who oversees the running of specialized aquariums in Southeast Asia.
He gave me a running commentary on all the animals I’d collected on my retreat, and more.
So he tells me that to save a jellyfish (in his line of work- I don’t think it’s recommended for the lay person heh), you can’t just toss it back to sea, as the air bubble caught under its cap will force it up to the water surface and cause it to be sunburnt.
You’ll need to make sure the air bubble is burst first.
Fascinating!
How our slowed rhythms of rest often open His grace to us in ways we would not otherwise see or receive.
I confess, there are days (though they are rare) where I’ve prayed “Dear God, I pray no one recognizes me on the street,” because I just want to be alone.
Thus far, He has always been faithful.
And there are times He’d bring random strangers to say hello to me to share a word of encouragement. They always happen at the right time when I needed it most. And more often than not, I’m happy to say hello!
On this trip, I prayed that I’d be on my own, traveling without anyone recognizing me… and…
In typical God-styled fashion, I went though the entire trip all by myself, until I reached the airport’s boarding gate when I had just declared internally, “OK, my retreat is over…” when a lovely young lady popped up in front of me and said, “Hello hello, are you Dr Tam?”
😅😅
And then I got home discovering other people had seen me but it didn’t matter anyone because I was on my own then.
Even in the little things, He is faithful!
One of the most special parts of my time with God was reminiscing the stories my dad shared with me as a child about his time in his village by the beach.
It made me reflect that the last time I travelled with him was over 18 years ago and maybe… we could make it happen again.