I follow a two-year Bible plan that allows for two chapters a day. During the weeks when my medical diagnosis unfolded, who but God could have planned that my scheduled reading fell on the book of Job, the classic chapter of the Bible that unpacks the suffering of a man who loves God?
In uncanny timing, the last chapter of Job ended the day before my surgery.
I felt God looking down, watching with intentionality.
During my hospitalization, a friend I’d reached out to only on morning itself came by to gift me a precious book called- “Suffering Wisely and Well- The Grief of Job and the Grace of God” by Eric Ortlund.
While I don’t think I’m Job, described as “blameless and upright (Job 1:8),” I knew God wanted to deepen my understanding of suffering, amid my everyday questioning.
In my low moments, I’d asked Him point-blank if I’d been disobedient, if He was punishing me, whether this was discipline and if so, how it could possibly be loving (Heb 12:6)… as I struggled with my own feelings of self-condemnation while fielding the well-meaning questions from others asking me if I’d examined unrepented sin, idolatry and mistakes in my life which could have averted this.
I understand this now as a season of polishing, of dependence, of deepening and of rest. And I’m still learning more every day, holding the tension between trust and uncertainty.
I believe our suffering gives room for a more profound and poignant faith to shine through.
For us to understand we are not pious frauds of faith.
For when everything we see as precious is taken away, can we love God “for nothing,” simply for who He is? That is the question of the entire book of Job.
When our sincerity of our love for God and the purity of our motives and tested, when we are stretched beyond limit to love regardless of what earthly blessings we gain or lose- only then can we come face to face with the true quality of our love for the all-surpassing worth of knowing God (Phil 3:8).
As I devoured the book, some quotes challenged my theology of suffering deeply. I hope they’ll bless you too. 💛