Sometimes, I think many of us feel defeated at looking at our self-growth. So much trauma, pain— no amount of looking back seems to help in moving forward. Worse, Chinese New Year seems to bring out all these complicated emotions within and beyond family.
Lately, as some of you know, we felt overwhelmed seeing the walls of our home bulging and peeling- it’s a phenomenon in most, if not, all homes here in our small town in Tanzania because of the bicarbonate content in the cement/soil mixtures that builders use.
So people fix their walls ever so often.
Yesterday, when the fundis (pronounced foon-dees, meaning contractors) came and started fixing, things got really messy.
Just like when you take yr first step to heal, things will get messy too.
In fact, they started two weeks ago, stopped then restarted. The process is long and non-linear. We had to sleep in different rooms in the interim.
Does that remind you of your own healing too? In that even during the fixing process, you might need coping measures and major adjustments just to function daily through life.
Of course, you can choose to renovate your house by yourself. But sometimes, we need help from professionals- therapists, mentors, friends.
Because before a rebuilding, comes a tearing down.
这么多打打撞撞 (with so much knocking around), isn’t it nice to reach out to someone to journey with you?
Today, as the fundi put on a new coat of paint for one room, I stood back and went “Wow. As good as new.”
I know it’s only a matter of time before it needs fixing again. It’s a neverending project.
But isn’t that the work on ourselves, too? While we could feel so despondent at the neverending work we seem to have to do, we can also look towards the time our internal spaces ARE pleasant and welcoming enough for us to enjoy, and house others in.
If you are going through a “heart renovation” of sorts, know this— you’re not alone.
Tearing down is painful. Renewal takes time.
But don’t rush through this sacred process.
