Selah.

Selah (Hebrew)

is a word used frequently in the Hebrew bible, often in the Psalms,

and is a difficult concept to translate.

It is probably either a liturgico-musical mark or an instruction on the reading of the text,

 something like “stop and listen“.

“Selah” can also be used to indicate that there is to be a musical interlude at that point in the Psalm.

 The Amplified Bible states Selah as

“pause, and think of that”.

 

Sometimes, all we need is a little interruption. A pause to help us take a breather.

Sometimes, all we need is Someone or something to break our momentum, be it a vicious cycle, a monotonous routine or a endless rat race, so we can stop, reflect and realize the tornado that we had been caught in, the whirlwind we had been lost in all this while.

Just a little interruption. A conjunction. A but, or however. To break our stubborn in spite ofs, or nonetheless-es.

I heard the most refreshing sermon at church today, describing our lives as songs. And if you look in the chapter of songs(Psalms) in the bible, the overlooked word, Selah, is peppered all over it.

Selah: it means a conjunction, a pause, a time of calmness and reflection. In times of great agony or depression, the great saints would cry out to God… And often, just before their breakthrough, would be a quiet footnote, an aside, a silent small word Selah.

A time of silence is crucial for a turning point, a changing moment in one’s life.

After a half day’s worth of work yesterday, I teared at one point after yet another rough brush with an antagonistic nurse. I thought to myself, I really needed a breakthrough, a fresh beginning. I needed to forgive myself, to stop my self blame and feelings of guilt or shame. I needed to start on a fresh slate, instead of carrying my bad experiences, fears, regrets and unforgiveness forward. I needed a Selah, a conjunction in my sentence, a however in my story, a turning point in my song.

So after the sermon today, I decided to…

… have a haircut, ha.

That’s what girls do- changing how we look is spiritually and emotionally refreshing for us. (My hair has been dry and tired, worn- out almost. I don’t think it’s ever been frizzier or drier. 

I wanted a change, something refreshing. Last night, I dreamt I went to a new salon in the neighbourhood and chopped off my long hair. Today, I went to that new place that I had dreamt of and found they had a promotion.

I have always been resistant to straightening my hair because I felt it wasn’t me. I didn’t want to fit into the mould, didn’t want to conform to what people wanted of me. (I liked my wavy hair. I liked that it was a little bit unruly, though I wished it was less so most of the time.) But now that curls are the new rage, I decided to!

It took them three cycles of treatment to soften my hair because ” your frizzy, wiry and voluminious hair is very resistant to treatment”. And I guess that’s the way I’ve been: Stubborn, headstrong, with a bit of a firehouse threatening to spark a fire inside of me.

But I’m tired of my unbridled character, weary of my melancholy and exhausted with my volatility. I want a bit of Selah, a bit of a change to put an end to my frizzy, untamed nature, to put an end to the traumatic season of discouragement and put-downs, to put an end to the hateful season of frustration and pain and reactivity at the long hours and stressful situations at work.

This cycle has to end.

Never let anyone leave you without feeling happier, was what Mother Theresa said.

I want to put an end to this vicious routine, this day in day out humdrum and cycle of regular flares and moments of  exasperation. I am appalled at how I unconsciously let the trauma from work abrade my sensivity and compassion. I am shocked at this newfound impatience, my newborn indifference. I am ashamed at my shortening fuse and it weighs heavy on me. Who have I let myself become?

I wanted a Selah. I wanted an interruption to my song. Because like a song with a beautiful ending, I want my life to end well, too.

So… getting my hair thinned and straightened was the way to go. Go on, laugh at the correlation.

Sometimes, taking a break is painful. In a story, it means a climax or crucial moment- your reader could be fascinated or disappointed; in a song, it means a change in tempo. Either way, the change is difficult, it can be difficult to accept. And it requires a change in one’s perspective, a change in one’s heart to reach a new place.

As the hairstylist washed away the strong chemicals from my hair in a baptismal rinse, I felt a sense of cleansing, and a peculiarly calm sense of zen.

I am at Selah. A rest point. Not a full stop but a comma after however, after but.

I need to stop getting breathless from the chase. I want to stop this madness in working all day, in rushing research projects and applications and forgetting to connect with people. I want to cut out the white noise and learn to refocus on my fundraising projects for feeding programmes. I want to relate with people and find out how they’re doing, instead of realizing that I no longer have the capacity to listen and love. I want to pause.

I want to stop this vicious cycle of feeling pressed down. In my second month of work, my new supervisor gave me affirmation and appreciation- I need to realize that an end needs to be put to my spiralling sense of despair from the traumatic events of my first month in this new department. I need to take in a new Selah.

⁷ “Will God reject forever?
   Will he never show his favor again?
⁸ Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
   Has his promise failed for all time?
⁹ Has God forgotten to be merciful?
   Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

Selah

 ¹⁰ Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
   the years when God stretched out his right hand.
¹¹ I will remember the deeds of God;
   yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
¹² I will consider all your works
   and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

-Psalm 77: 7-9

Selah is the turning point. Before Selah, is despair and desperation.

After Selah, is gratitude and hope. At the point of Selah, everything before that gets erased. In the bible, all hebrew words in the bible are represented by some sort of numeric, and Selah cancels them all out. Selah sets the reset button. Selah let’s us start anew, from zero again.

Selah is the conjunction between God’s grace and man’s foibles. It is the in-between bridging His dispensation of favor and our shortcomings. It is the cross, that marries the heart of man with the heart of God.

It is the rest point that blots out all our previous transgressions and mistakes, even if they have a feel-good familiarity about them. (I miss my unruly hair to some extent, but I need to let go of the familiar frizz, in order to embrace something cleaner, sharper, newer.)

Selah,  is the great In Spite Of.

In spite of all that we’ve done, God still sees us as His beloved, and in silent satisfaction, admires His own workmanship- you.

Selah is hope.

Selah.