For weeks, we’d all been anticipating visiting a particular school here in Tanzania for our children.
I’d checked it out online, steadied and recalibrated my expectations.
But I was shocked by my own tears when I entered the compound. Suddenly it became real, that if we chose this route, my kids would not have the Singaporean “prime education” standards I grew up with.
I steadied my breath, tried to see through renewed lenses at what mattered most, tried to recall all that my missionary doctor mentors had encouraged me with.
I stayed strong.
But at 2am at night, when I awoke from a dream, I suddenly became overcome with grief.
Unwillingly, my eyes betrayed my heart and I started grieving deeply, unable to sleep.
Suddenly, being here made it real.
This was no longer a theoretical concept of counting the cost and serving the poor.
The little petty things that frilled our lives and we took so much for granted suddenly increased in prominence because of what we learnt was unavailable here-
access to Chinese, the chance to learn music, the Sunday school programme they so love, even just access to art and craft materials and children’s books 💛
Cliff asked me- can you be certain that the “prime Singaporean education” is free of its ills? Can you guarantee our kids will thrive and flourish in that?
But a deeper question surfaced- at the end of the day, do I believe that when God calls us, He is also mindful of our children?
That He loves them more than we can ever do?
That our roles as parents are merely stewards of HIS CHILDREN, not ours?
And that as we walk in obedience to Him as a family, He will likewise be our front and rear guards?
My faith feels S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D.
Grateful for mentors in different time zones who can be awake when it’s 2AM. Here’s golden advice –
“Honestly you can never recreate what you leave behind. There no point in trying. It’s different. But in my mind it’s not necessarily a loss.
I’m a big proponent of “ due diligence”. Where are you called of God to be? In that location what are the best choices you can make for your children that fit your finances, faith, schedules etc. once u settle in yr decision then move forward to yr choices n don’t look back. Every family will answer those questions differently n not everyone will agree with yr choices. You are not responsible to everyone. You are responsible to the call over yr life, yr regular spiritual oversight n yr children.
It’s scary being a parent. But if we truly understand that they belong to the Lord n we are stewarding them/their lives it helps keep perspective. Values, rhythms of living ( that include times of devotion to the Lord) how we treat pple, examples of personal discipline, etc These are the things that will help our children suceeed in life.”
And while lying awake, conscious of the eerie night sounds in this new place with windows that cannot shut… I ask God for a number and it’s 16. My hair stands reading Psalms 16 and I sense His real closeness –
Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure
Psalms 16:5-9