Fiercely protect. Highly guard.
As a parent, these are my instincts towards keeping my children safe.
But what if shielding them can do more harm than good?
This week, as I went through some difficult emotions processing a number of incidents being labeled, misunderstood and critiqued, my instinct was to hide my troubles, smile and get on with my day.
But I remembered what I’d learned about modeling resilience, and decided to share, in simple terms, what had happened with my children.
This led to deep conversation.
“So, if someone at school throws a mean comment at you, or misunderstands you, what would you do?”
Six-year old Sarah-Faith’s response stunned me.
“Mama, I remember the sticky note activity you did with me! I can peel it off and throw it away!”
It was a game I’d made up over a year ago. I’d written mean labels on little stick-it notes, pasted them on their bodies, and asked them how they felt. Then, I asked them to throw them away, as a symbolic gesture of learning to discern bullying comments to develop resilience.
To which four-year old Esther-Praise said, “Yes! If bleeding, you put bandaid on it!”
It was an activity we did just once over a year ago. How did they remember?
I decided to throw out a harder question to make them think—
“Do you need to please everyone and make everyone like you?”
To my surprise, their response was unanimous and quick. “NO! I ONLY NEED TO PLEASE GOD.”
Blinking back my own tears, I started a conversation about setting good boundaries, and the pitfalls of people-pleasing.
Friends, if you, like me, tend to veer always towards hiding your hard feelings from your kids, know that it’s healthy to STAY CLEAR of “dumping” your problems on your children. But no where in the world will they more powerfully learn how to regulate their emotions and develop resilience. May we use our power well. 💛