Click.
I turned my night lamp on. My heart was pounding into my ears. This was not normal.
In my first vacation in 3 years, I found myself curiously surprised by my wrestle with anxiety.
This was a red flag, that my relationship with work needed shifting.
One day, I felt a still quiet voice tell me, “Ski together with Cliff.”
I argued, “It’s so expensive, it’s dangerous.”
But the nudge persisted, we received a love gift for a date, and by the time fear crept in, it was too late.
The more anxious I was, the more I leaned back, and the faster downhill I went, spiraling out of control and eventually, crashing.
The instructor, eyebrows furrowing, said, “OK, try this. LEAN FORWARDS.”
What? It didn’t make sense. Wouldn’t I go faster downhill?
But I learned- in the same way, when we follow our natural instincts in times of anxiety instead of pressing into God, our lives spiral faster out of control, downhill.
I kept crashing. I wanted to give up.
But then, came breakthrough.
Against my instincts, I started to lean in, forwards. Ironically, that helped me slow down, turn, stop. I regained control.
I had a revelation-
When anxiety threatens to throw us off course, that’s not the time to shirk back.
Instead, it’s the time to LEAN into our situations and God’s heart with intention, to ask the hard questions of “so what?” and facing them with Scripture, so we can slow down, take a breath, and stop.
As I enter a new season with an onslaught of responsibilities awaiting me, I’m reminding myself to remember the lessons I learnt while skiing.
I hope this encourages you, too.