Before some of you girls show this to your boyfriends/ husbands and lament why they aren’t more chivalrous or courageous, may I share sth personal?
Things weren’t always this way.
Cliff is your ALL-TIME harmony man, the chill- Canadian in our home .
He married a feisty, Singaporean Chilli padi who has mellowed over the years.
I used to wonder- WHY is he not standing up for me?
He used to wonder- WHY does she have so many needs?
After Cliff read this book called Wild At Heart by John Eldrege, something awakened in his soul.
I, too, discovered that part I have to play to invite chivalry and courage into our marriage.
Cliff and I did an IG live on Courage and Chivalry and here’s a summary of some topics we talked about!
When facing unjust situations:
1. Confront the wrong bravely.
– Being meek doesn’t mean we turn a blind eye to wrongdoing!
2. Examine your heart.
– Are you confronting the situation/situation from a position of self-righteousness, vengeance or pride?
3. Leave room for God’s justice.
– Are you placing faith in God (and even yr husband, where applicable) to correct wrongdoing, or are you bent on taking things into your own hands?
4. Recognize your war is not just with flesh and blood, but a spiritual one!
– That transforms your combat mode to prayer.
To the wives who struggle with passive husbands, to the daughters who struggle with passive fathers, we shared this:
1. Pray
– Egging your husband on to becoming more proactive is NOT the way to go. He will only feel more resentful and resigned.
2. Step back
Becoming more proactive to compensate for his passivity will only reinforce unhealthy patterns.
Sometimes, you might just have to acknowledge his headship, let consequences happen and allow him to take in the fullness of his inaction. It’s very painful and takes a lot of patience. But it helps you (wives) to stop overstepping your boundaries and allowing him to claim ownership for his role in your marriage.
It took me many years to get Cliff to read this book. I didn’t badger him. I just kept praying.
Years later, on an overseas retreat, he asked me to recommend a book, gladly took this and devoured it.
It was LIFE-CHANGING for us both.
Never underestimate the power of prayer, even if it takes years.
To the daughters of passive fathers, here’s what we shared:
1. Accept your limitations.
– You cannot change your parents. Yet, understanding the Fall as we described and the impact of generational baggage can give you newfound compassion for the passive-dad-aggressive-mom form of child rearing you grew up with.
2. Ask yourself- how can you break this for your own family in future?
3. Change the atmosphere in small ways.
– Find ways to honor your dad, in times when he might feel overridden or written off.
We hope this helps!