“So… when are you going to stop being angry at God?”
His question stopped me cold.
For months, I’d avoided it.
“I’m working on it,” I retorted.
“But it’s been so long,” Cliff said gently.
This week, as we drove out to a farm, the rain hit the mud like knives.
Watching the rain, I whispered— “God, I don’t know how, but I don’t want to be angry with You anymore.”
My therapist’s words came back, “Your anger at people who let you down… has landed on God. But God is not them. He’s not here to fill the void they left. That’s your work now. But He is still God.”
It broke something open in me.
That same morning, my sleepbuds gave up.
I panicked. It only shipped in America. A friend was visiting from Singapore soon but how would she get it in time?
“God, I need a miracle,” I said. With my recovering from noise sensitivity, this was important to me.
Half-heartedly, I posted on IG:
“Anyone flying from the US to Singapore soon?”
Minutes later, a stranger replied. Her mom was flying back in two days. Two! She’d already bought them for me. When I asked how to pay her back, she said, “It’s a gift.” 😭
I sobbed. Because all this while, as I held God responsible for my injustices… I’d forgotten His gifts, and Him.
The flights we couldn’t afford—paid for by strangers… the homes opened to us… the many acts of kindness that all of you have done for us to remind us we might be in a remote town in Africa, but we are not alone.
I’d spent so long grieving what God did not do, had not done… that I almost missed what He quietly, tenderly does every day.
As I watched the rain, a tear finally fell.
===
If you’re angry at God, I get it.
But maybe—
He’s still holding you.
In the quietest ways.
Share this with someone who’s grieving.
Or someone who’s still waiting for a miracle.💛