It’s funny how you can keep going back to the same places and people, that made you feel safe, and then wake up one day and realize you can’t anymore.
This happened this week, when we realized that due to the rains, our garden, beautifully planted by our landlord, was invaded by termites.
Every time my therapist asked me to imagine a place I felt safe, I’d picture the garden. But now, as if in a concerted, intentional attack by the enemy, I felt my sanctuary being invaded.
All I can think of when I close my eyes now is not the beautiful garden, but a termite infestation miles deep in the soil.
Locals and missionaries have told us how problematic termites are. That the rains bring them in and they’re a problem in this part of Tanzania. They go deep and make tall mounds, kill grass and infest homes.
Having moved out from my childhood home of 18 years because of termites in our roof, I feel a personal grief, a slow defeat at this happening here.
Our local friend tells us to get a bottle of Twiga (giraffe), which is kind of dawa (medicine) used to kill termites. You seep it into the ground and wait for its effect.
But because of its toxicity, our pup Courage had to be sent away this morning to the vet’s farm for a whole week.
When there’s an attack, doesn’t it often feel multipronged? It takes away your sanctuary and what you depend on for safety.
I want to have hope. But it is waning.
I ask Cliff why life seems to be a series of challenges- first nerve pain, then the smashed frame, fixing furniture gone wrong, fixing the broken vehicle, barking dogs, broken sleep and now… and how everything seems to take so much effort to fix, adjust and solve.
But Cliff replies without missing a beat— “isn’t God good that they didn’t all come at once? They’re all spaced out nicely!”
This is why I love him. It’s also why I tell myself that no matter how I think things are going, keep showing up for one more day.
Would you pray alongside us? That God would send us help (hopefully from our landlord and friends) and truly rid of the pests deeply and truly, once and for all?
I shared with a friend that these “little problems” seem really trivial yet sometimes feel so insurmountable- she encouraged me to say—
If you’re struggling in a land different from yr home country, I feel you. You’re not alone.
Some days I have wondered if this is what it feels like to walk into a midlife crisis full throttle. I think I might either walk out of this phase jobless, faithless and churchless. Or very well come out with a deeper faith, a closer community and a more authentic sense of purpose.
I’ll hang on tight.