I blinked back tears.
Minutes after my 4-year old dramatically erupted into an avalanche of puke at a cafe, I held her sticky hands, face flushed red.
After days of struggling with our illnesses, I felt defeated. A nagging voice niggled at me, taunting at what a terrible doctor-mom I was.
That night, I went to bed, heart-heavy. I felt distant from my 4-year old. Nothing seemed to bring relief.
But amid my self-doubt yesterday, she surprised me with a snuggle, “Mama, I love you so much.”
It reminded me of the journey God had led us on while we were in Tanzania when my 4-year old asked to see flamingoes in the wild. I felt daunted by her request- it was simple. Yet, who could guarantee it? I’d been to a few safaris in my lifetime, none of which had flamingoes.
But when I felt we didn’t have the financial means, God provided a really affordable safari option near our conference. When I felt guilty for spending, God provided a love gift through a random stranger on the very morning of the safari, which covered the remaining costs of our entire vision trip to Tanzania. When I felt inadequate for only being able to bring them to this obscure national park instead of all the ones people raved about, God provided the richest sightings of animals— which amazed even our seasoned guide.
At the end of the safari, we turned the corner to head back home, when 4-year old Esther-Praise exclaimed involuntarily, “God answered my prayers!”
And I blinked back tears when I saw the sight, because for all my inadequacies, shortcomings and lack of faith as a parent, for all that I felt I couldn’t provide for my children- God provided, and more- for before us lay tens of thousands of flamingoes in every shade of pink, stretched out to the farthest horizon.
“Sometimes, at this time of year, there’s not even one on this lake,” said the guide, eyes glazed.
It reminded, continues to remind me, that even when we fall short, God’s hand never does. For He loves our children unimaginably, far more and better than we can ever do. 💛
Take heart, friend. Our children are His, we are only stewards.