The most vulnerable part about recovery, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually, is learning to listen to what your body, mind and heart are telling you.
When all you have are old benchmarks of unhealthy thought patterns, it can be hard to establish new ones.
I’m grateful, for meeting an old friend today who shared some principles with me.
I love this REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) model because it’s impossible to forget ABCDE:
A: ACTIVATING Event (What triggered you?)
B: What false BELIEFS did you hold around the trigger?
C: CONSEQUENCES
(What feelings and behaviors ensued?)
D: DISPUTE YOUR BELIEFS
(How can you challenge your old beliefs to create new outcomes?”
E: EFFECTIVE New Beliefs
(What new beliefs can you adopt?)
Recently, when I had to meet an acquaintance whom I felt bullied by for years, I was shocked to find my heart beating out of my chest, when merely left for a few minutes alone with the person as Cliff and the kids stepped away.
It was a huge signal to me, that my recovery wasn’t complete.
I learnt, that instead of blaming ourselves for being “weak,” it’s more useful to go back to this ABCDE model to reframe some old beliefs.
This is how it looked for me.
A: Activating event- Being left alone with someone who had bullied me relentlessly over years
B: False Beliefs:
I am in trouble. I will be traumatized again.
C: Consequences:
My heart raced, I felt anxious.
D: DISPUTE:
(THIS IS THE MOST CRITICAL STEP):
In my current state of maturity and resilience, why will I be re-traumatized? Am I not old enough to assert myself? Have I not gained new skills over the years to draw better boundaries and call bullying out?
E: Effective New Beliefs:
I have grown over the years. I have become more resilient. I can better identify emotional manipulation. I am in a mentally stronger place. I don’t need to be afraid.
I hope this helps you.
Not everyone has access to a therapist. But there are simple ways you can spend time doing the hard work of “self work” to make baby steps to where you want to be.
💪🏾