For a season of my life, while I was away from Singapore, I dreaded going to Christian events, even church.
After being accosted in random conversations where I felt trapped and judged, I struggled with social anxiety around believers.
When I came back to Singapore, that baggage amplified itself.
It was sad, but true.
The pandemic was a secret blessing. I plotted my great escape from Christian circles.
Yet, even then, I cried to God to heal the broken, bitter places in me. I did not want to live hiding from community, His bride.
Ironically, the first time I returned to church in-person was to speak.
I wept. Because God remembered me, He remembers the prodigals and the broken-hearted. He counted me worthy to serve even in my wrestling with bitterness.
Even then, I struggle. Up to today, I battle social anxiety in specific circumstances. I wear an armor of wariness that I fight to take off. I take a deep breath before attending conferences or service. Often, I pray, “Dear God, please help me be a blessing to someone and for someone to bless me with their words. Just one encounter is enough.”
Today at a women’s conference, an elderly lady accosted me at the stairwell to tell me— “Wai Jia, I listened to 3 of your sermons and they spoke so much to me. I am a stage 4 lung cancer survivor and I just recovered from a stroke. God used your messages to take my shame and guilt away and give me courage. I tell myself- if you can be brave, why not me? Today I’m bursting to share what He’s done in my life. Every time you give an altar call, I hold back because I’m shy. Yet deep down I always wished you would pray for me. And today, here you are offering to pray for me when we met by chance!”
I am grateful. He is faithful.
This weekend, if you’re struggling with your church community, with past pains, I feel you. If you’re a wounded warrior or weary wanderer, I pray the Lord will heal your hurts, and bind your brokenness. 💔You are loved. 💛 His bride needs you. It’s not over yet. ❤️🩹