One of the hardest things about boundaries is setting them. The only thing harder, perhaps, is maintaining them.
The problem is, with so many pressures and demands on our time, it’s easy to cave in. And when we do, we end up becoming resentful, vexed. We blame everyone and everything else but ourselves.
“My job is too stressful. My colleagues keep contacting me. My kids drive me nuts.”
About a month ago, I received a vision- that looked like our community garden downstairs. If I had to explain boundaries to my children, it would go like this-
“We each have a garden in our hearts. Around this garden are two lines of gated fences.
To protect the garden, to prevent it from being trespassed and trashed, we must lock the first gated fence around it. That is our inside-gate. It’s REALLY important.
It might seem cruel to bar people from our garden but it’s not. It’s not because we need to have the power to set opening times for our gates, and unlock it only when we want to. Our gardens need time to heal and grow. No one should enter our gardens without our permission.
The problem today is many of us rely only on the outside-gates. We leave our inside-gates open, and expect other people to know what our opening times are. They come into our gardens during after-hours, trample on it, leave trash.
And then we cry, blame-shift, wither. When in fact, we should’ve closed our inside-gates.”
Those inside-gates are our boundaries.
When I had this divine revelation, my jaw dropped. I began to stop feeling sorry for myself. I began to pause my email inboxes regularly, turn my phone off at a cut-off time, disallow unarranged phone calls.
Ironically, the stronger the boundaries I set, the more connected I felt with others.
You see, when you gatekeep your inside-fence, no one can touch your garden unless you’re ready, even if the rules for the outside-fences differ.
I’d love to hear- What does setting boundaries look like for you? How can you better protect your garden? ❤️
*photo of my kids at our community garden. Their wide-eyed wonder amazes me!