What nobody tells us about following our hearts and His is-
– how hard that choice can be.
After all, the world paints following your dreams as beautiful, adventurous, oh so freeing.
So, years ago, when I gave up pursuing Eye Surgery to serve in Uganda for a year, and I spiraled into late night sobs, anxiety attacks, sleepless nights… I thought I was going mad.
A mentor prescribed antidepressants, which I took dutifully. But something was wrong- I felt worse, not better.
In what I thought was a dangerous but genuinely Spirit-led move, I stopped meds as soon as I arrived in Uganda. And I healed.
Years later, I understand it all now. The meds didn’t work because it wasn’t depression. It was grief.
And grief can’t be cured by meds. Grief needs time, and care.
The truth is- living out your values, especially when it’s counter-cultural, can often be more painful. If it’s the path less trodden, you not only choose hardship, but loss.
You choose loss because you gave up something else for this. You lose the chance to feel belonged, to earn validation, to receive tangible rewards. No one tells us that being true to ourselves often means the harder path.
If you’re in that place of bewilderment, casting your crowns, you’re not alone.
Nonetheless, making those choices, however painful, are deeply defining. You have no choice but to clarify what you value, and be empowered by the power you do have to change your path.
When us privileged people say “I have no choice but to stay where I am and lead the life I live,” it’s a lie. It’s a lie because what it really means is “I have no choice because I don’t want to give up my current misery in exchange for a life I have no guarantee of.”
The truth is, many of us have choices. We have choices to walk away, to resign, to let go. Jesus had a choice. But deep down, His value of loyalty compelled him to obedience, no matter what the cost.
Still, He chose.
If you’re in pain today because of a choice you’re making, but it’s the right one aligning with what you value, take heart, friend. That’s courage.
No one said walking your why was easy. ❤️
*these photos, entitled Casting Crowns, were taken in 2014.