Today, our young people are on a determined search for happiness.
(Gasp, I sound like a 50-year already- as a 20-year old asking me about career choices recently pointed out.)
“Why do you sound as if you’ve been working for the past 30 years?”
Stunned by that comment, it made think about what brings us true joy, in an existential sort of way.
Some of the commonest questions youth ask me today are:
“How did you choose medicine?”
“Why did you choose to do what you do?”
“What drives you?”
The undercurrent of wonder steering all these questions is their curiosity of what makes us happy, why it does, and how to get there.
The thing is, while our young people are looking for the formulaic answer to what can make us happy, not all of them may realize, that happiness, is not the same as joy. They want to know from me how they can make the “right career choice” in life. Surely I did, which is why I am happy, is their perennial assumption.
But what if I told them, that for the longest time, I was not happy?
And that… that isn’t the right question to ask?
For many years, I “preached” the “find your passion, chase your dream” message. It was what I believed, what I lived for, and what drew me the attention from the fundraising, book-publishing, mission-going adventures.
Ten years later from my first mission trip, I can no longer sing the same song with conviction.
What if someone doesn’t really feel passionate about anything in particular?
What if someone felt passionate about something then got disillusioned and jaded by it after a while?
What if the dream that one chased came at too high a cost?
Then what?
The thing I’ve learnt is- while it is important to do what you love and find meaning and joy in what you do, the motive and heart behind that, is ultimately what will bring you joy, meaning, contentment and endurance to keep doing what you do.
A few years after a series of media coverage, interview videos, and speaking engagements as a young person, I crumbled. Two years under the cloak of depression, I struggled to find a sense of meaning, amidst all the “purposeful” endeavours I was a part of. I was in medicine, a justifiably “meaningful” profession. It was neither the pressure from the limelight, the stress of school nor the breathlessness of keeping up with the projects which cracked me, but the simple reason of not having an intimate, personal relationship with a God whom I could call Father.
While what I did in school, work, community service and humanitarian work was celebrated by those around me, nobody knew it was built on a rocky foundation of living to ‘do’ instead of ‘be’, of striving for God’s love and approval, instead of serving from an abundant outflow of His love, acceptance and joy.
Back then, I believed what I did defined who I was. I did not realize that deep down, I believed what I achieved earned me God’s deserving approval.
Today, I am learning, that it is who we are and Whom we believe in that determines who we are, who we become, and what we do.
Only then, can we find our eternal joy.
When young people ask me questions, I sometimes ponder to think about the question behind the question.
Does “Are you happy doing Medicine?” mean just that? More often that not, I am learning, that what they are longing to know is, “What will I be happy doing 30 years down the road? Will I be fulfilled like you, or grudging and complaining?”
What if my answer, was that it was not Medicine that gave me happiness.
What if I told them, that not even doing missions was what brought me happiness.
What if I said, that “finding your passion” and “chasing your dream” can only bring you so far for a season of your life, before it fizzles out?
I wonder if the same number of parents would still approach me to counsel their children to persuade them to become doctors.
My true answer is, that ultimately, it is not a university subject or a career or even finding your passion that will determine your joy… but it is Whom you believe in, the relationship you have with Him, and that constant flow of love you receive and give away from Him.
I am learning, it is from that position that one’s work must come from. Else, no matter how “meaningful” what we do seems to the world, we may grow to become embittered, at best.
No profession, however “meaningful”, gives one immunity from that. Not even “good choices” like becoming a missionary or social worker or advocate for a worthy cause.
No parent wants to hear me say, that a cleaner can be more content, joyful and have more purpose in life than a doctor, if he understands his position as God’s child in his life, knows Who he lives for and consequently, channels that love, joy and purpose to all around him.
The truth is-when we understand our position as Beloved, we have nothing to prove, nothing to strive for, nothing to constantly feel belittled or swamped by.
After Uganda, something in me changed. Now I understand. He has paid the price, it is done. There is nothing I need to prove or strive for. I still work hard, but there is a renewed sense of joy, endurance and contentment.
It seemed an apt lesson to learn just before the launch of my next picture book, “Savour”, which challenges our definition of success in life.
If you are a young person today reading this, wondering what in the world you would do, what you should choose in life, where you must go in order to be happy, ask instead:
What do I believe in? Whose love and approval do I already have even before I was born? Who am I in this universe that I should be called, chosen and found faithful to the calling upon my life?
Only when we trust instead of try for the love and approval we already have before we even begin to try and earn it, can we live, be and work from a position of joy in His love.
Because ultimately, I believe- it is not what career you choose, what you do, or what you can achieve that makes you who you are or brings you happiness; but it is who you are, Whom you believe in and why you believe you are who you are, that determines what you do, and who you eventually become.
A page from “Savour”
“See what kind of love the Father has given to us,
that we should be called children of God; and so we are.”
– 1 Jn 3:1
“You did not choose me,
but I chose you and appointed you that
you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide,
so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.”
– Jn. 15:16