Deliberate Decisions

“Your choice must be a deliberate determination-

it is not something into which you will automatically drift.

And everything else in your life will be held in temporary suspension until you make a decision.

The proposal is between you and God-

do not “confer with flash and blood” about it.

With every new proposal, the people around us seem to become more and more isolated,

and that is where the tension develops.

God allows the opinion of His other saints to matter to you,

and yet you become less and less certain that others really understand the step you are taking.

You have no business trying to find out where God is leading-

the only thing God will explain to you is Himself.”

–          Oswald Chambers

 

It’s funny how reading something that speaks directly to your heart can have such a profound effect on you. You’re swimming around in nebulous uncertainty, sometimes gasping for air, your voice muffled in the overwhelming darkness when suddenly, a group of words, chosen and arranged for you in that particularly divine manner, thrusts you out of the sinking abyss into fresh air and light.

It’s been a lonely journey. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized so.

There have been many joyous celebrations and deep revelations on this road. Yet, upon unveiling mysteries and truths, there have also been times I am overwhelmed by how much I am transiting through, and how little of this I can put into words, for myself and others.

Medicine, missions, and marriage. As they all begin to sync in convergence, I am faced with choices that will have lasting and perhaps, even permanent impact on the rest of our lvies.

The truth is, when you know you are called to something different, then the choices that you will be called to make will ultimately be different. We are all eager to be Outstanding and Different, but when the time comes to make those very unique and personal decisions to reach those off-the-beaten-track destinations, we will often find ourselves wavering, as we face the pressures of conformity, the suffocation of meeting expectations and the disappointment of those we love.

Madness: it is doing the same thing over and over, ever and ever, expecting a different result. – Don Berwick

So then, the decisive factor lies not in the passion we have. Because if it did, then our passions and dreams would lead us all onto the right paths. We would be attracted by some cosmic, magnetic force, inevitably gravitating towards our destinies. But we all know too many people who, upon looking back on their lives, realized they did not pursue their dreams or realize their fullest potentials, not because they didn’t want to, but because their dreams were not the kind one could unintentionally drift towards. They required a “deliberate determination”, a certain steel of will, a certain fierce sacrifice. Those dreams were not the kind that were commonplace- they needed to be prayed through, fought for, and paid for.

The price is not usually money directly, though it can sometimes be a richer lifestyle one has to give up or a risky investment. The price is harder than that- it is the path of loneliness. Lonely, because it is what your loved ones will be unable to bear seeing you through; lonely, because risk-takers walk untrodden paths; lonely, because just when the rubber hits the road, God will bring a necessary refinement to your intent and bring you face to face with no one but Himself.

There, face to face with God who put that different calling in your heart, you will find your excuses unexplainable, except that you chose to walk the easier path because you were afraid, too busy or simply, unintentional  about it.

Unintentionality must be one of the scariest things in the world. It deceives us that our hearts and bodies might somehow drift into our high callings. It is the universal lie, the slayer of dreams.

So I urge you today, if you, like me, have a dream to live out, a calling that requires you to make a different and deliberate choice (be it a choice between two different kinds of study paths, two different kinds of jobs, two different kinds of lifestyles or two different types of men), remember that if your calling is different, you will be required to make a different kind of choice, possibly the harder one, too.

All true callings require some form of sacrifice. It is part of the preparatory process.

But take heart. As soon as you make the “right” choice and fall into the abyss of complete solitude, doubt and resistance, know that it is part of the refining process God is bringing you to, to shape and remould your character to embrace this bigger calling ahead that you never dared to imagine. And when you have passed the test, the glory of the light that thrusts you from deep waters into the air, will be utterly fulfilling, utterly liberating.

 

We were all made for something.

 

What deliberate decisions do you need to make in this season of your life?

 

 

^“Then Joshua said, ‘You are witnesses against yourselves that you have chosen to serve God.’

‘Yes, we are witnesses,’ they replied…

 

 ^‘See!’  he said to all the people. ‘This stone will be a witness against us. It has heard all the words God has said to us. It will be a witness against you if you are untrue to your God.’

 

–          Joshua 24:22, 27