Freely and boldly.

How does the Meadow flower its bloom unfold?

Because the lovely little flower is free down to its root,

and in that freedom bold.

– William Wordsworth

Most of us ask how God is real. How can he be, in the midst of tragedy, injustice and just the sheer atrocities of the world. So much has happened in the past month during my time in the surgical trauma team. Yet, a part of me just swells with thanksgiving and gratitude, relief and joy at all that has happened.

It’s like looking at a daffodil, I think, incandescently bright and yellow in the sunshine. In spite of no evidence whatsoever to prove itself, it invites you to believe its Creator is lovely and wonderful and all things good. Even when battered in a storm or gale or terrible heat, it is what it is. We never doubt the goodness of the Being who created flowers- even when they are withered, or cut, or half-battered. It is almost as if their blossoming reflects their freedom and boldness and faith in their Creator, down to their roots. In believing in the goodness of our Creator, I believe, like them, we become free and bold, too.

In spite of the stressful workload, God has given me freedom and boldness, especially in the past month. What with being thrown into the busiest and what is known as being the “fiercest” team in the entire surgical department , what with working 32-hour shifts and adrenalin-pumped days, what with receiving news from close friends of her mother’s terminal cancer, and another having a miscarriage, and receiving a complaint from the Upstairs People after being maligned by an incompetent nurse (ah, still a tinge of bitterness there)… In the midst of the storm and gale, I still believe He is good. He is wholesomely and entirely good.

I just can’t believe how things turned out. This “extremely busy” team has turned out to be challenging… but fun, too. After having the most traumatic experience in the orthopedic trauma team last year, under bosses who called me names and ridiculed me, being in another surgical trauma team and doing so… well… at the end of my housemanship was in a way most surprising, and most of all, healing and restoring for me. I was stunned- my on-paper evaluation from the “very mean bosses”  wrote: “Exceeding expectations”. They took me out for lunch, invited me for high tea, said my colleague and I were one of the best housemen they’ve had in the past year or so. Even when they got wind of the complaint against me, all they said was that they would defend me right to the very end. A week later, I got a letter from the Upstairs People saying they knew the accusation was baseless and for me not to worry about it affecting my future prospects. My 2 new friends made who are going through difficult times have become close friends. Looking back, I know it is through no credit of mine that I survived and thrived through the storm- you do not give credit to the flower that rises above bad weather. Instead, one marvels at the Creator of a flower of such tenacity. Uncannily, I will be doing a film shoot with Health Promotion Board tomorrow on the topic of Resilience. I know they want me to talk about “inner strength” and all that… but I truly believe that God and not us, is the true source of all Resilience, natural and supernatural.

You look at cancer and traffic accidents and suicidal fall from heights on a day to day basis and wonder how could God ever exist. But if you, for one second  could just believe that He is impossibly good, then all the good starts to emerge. You start to stand in the rain and be absorbed by the resilience of the daffodil, you shiver in the wet gale and admire the beauty of yellow, that little bit of sunshine in a dark, dark place.

There is cancer, but there is the tenacity of the human spirit. There are life-changing traffic accidents, but there is the solid glue of family, and community. There is the fragmented, exhausting world of neverending hospital ward work, but there is also grace. There is the choice not to spit fire, there is the choice to allow frustrating incidents to mould and not destroy you. There is also joy. There is also fulfillment and joy and satisfaction at the end of a long hard day’s work. In holding onto our faith, down to our roots, I believe we become free and bold to live life beautifully and blossom, too.

At the end of the day, the glory of the flower in the gale goes to its Creator.

 

 

Psalm 3:3

 

But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the one who lifts up my head.