One or two.

“I’ve always dreamed of going to the mission field… Serving the poor and needy has always been on my heart.”

” Then what happened?” I would always ask, half fearing the fairly consistent reply.

” I got married, had children… I have kids now. I can’t go anymore.”

You can fill in the blanks. But I think never have I been more wary of how marriage can chart one’s direction so, so differently.

Kids. Careers. Settling down. They aren’t bad things… But I cannot begin to tell you how many people I’ve met who claim they have a big heart for serving the poor in the mission field but now can’t go to live with the poor. Not anymore.

I got an email today from a missionary friend which made me cry. Since the tender age of 18, she had left Singapore to Nepal to serve widows, orphans and the poor. Having a busy and hectic life in the mission field starting social enterprises, she never had the chance to get attached. Whenever we met in Singapore, we would always pray together. For your future husband, and for mine too. I didn’t tell you, just how much respect I had for you, for spending your most “eligible” years in the mission field, and yet, how little faith I had whenever we would meet over tea to pray the same thing over and over. You were already in your mid-thirties. You were still travelling everywhere. You were still single.

Yet, you were still waiting. Still, so certain.

You were in your mid to late thirties already. And the ministry which you had poured your youth and life into turned its back on you and betrayed you after more than 10 years. You had to leave Nepal. You landed in India, bearing the wounds and scars of scheming serpents and yet bearing the crown of forgiveness.

Then one day two months ago, you said you were getting married. He is Indian. You are Chinese. And it didn’t matter because he loved God as violently as you did.

Ferociously.

It was the right person. It was a beautiful match. You both have poured much of your life into God’s people. It was the right time, too.

And I often wonder, if I too, can and will do the same. Or will I let a flourishing career, an enticing proposal or the prospects of children and life sitting on a porch cause me to go adrift. Would I marry too early and miss those precious extra years of singleness where I could’ve put in more time serving God’s children with more focus. Would I be distracted from being totally consecrated to God, and could I still be completely His?

Completely His.

Can I still be completely His.

I don’t know.

I can’t help but be reminded of the missionary grandmother, Jean Watson, whom I met in China- an American frosty-haired lady who had turned down not one, but two marriage proposals to choose a life of singleness to serve people suffering from leprosy in China. She told me her love stories herself. I will never forget her.

I will never forget the many single missionaries I have met along the way, whose singleness have driven them to pour out themselves to the community around them… because they have no family around them too. Their family are the people there themselves. Their loneliness, drives them to love harder in some ways.

Yet, I also remember, dynamic couples who wouldn’t be the same serving in the mission field individually. But there are few I truly respect.

Dearest Wai Jia,

I am 1000xs sorry for my late reply. I have been busy and have just put my feet down in Siliguri. I am moving on to Nepal in a few days time. Internet connection has been difficult too.

Yes, married life has been wonderful! The verse “Two is better than one” keeps resounding in my mind. R is a wonderful husband, I am blessed to be married to him.

Regarding support and livelihood, God has been very kind to us.

First of all, to be married as a missionary, I think we must be willing to choose a simpler life style. Living a simple life style will free us to serve God. I often wish and pray that I will have enough to live reasonably comfortably, it may not be a high standard but good enough to have what I need.

Secondly, save. You and your future partner should sit down and discuss how much do you both need in a married life. For now, I think you can work on saving money for the future even though you might not earn much, say you can save 20 to 40% of your salary. And your future partner can do so too.

Thirdly, support. It is good to have a good network or prayer, social and financial supporters. I have been very blessed to go to a mission minded church, they started to support me with $900 a month 15 years ago and they are still supporting me. I think when we are faithful and sincere in serving God in the mission field, he will move people to support us. The important thing is we have to be faithful and steadfast, we should not be jumping or floating around in our vision.

Lastly, you can work towards self-sustainability. I own a 3 room flat and with that we are able to be partially supported through the rental. You can work towards buying a 3 room or 4 room flat after you are married.

I think the important thing is to know from the Lord that He has meant for both of you to be together.

Love,
Jo

I only pray I live a life half as focused as yours, Jo.

God meant your prolonged singleness for a reason, I’m sure. You were so happy in God. Are happier, still, now.