No turning back.

Now that the year is ending, my finals are nearing and I’m moving on to a different chapter of life, I just want to give thanks for the past 5 years of my life in medical school.

Just lately, some people have been sharing with me about difficult stages of life they’ve been going through, and wondering if they would make it through. It reminded me of how different I was 5 years ago, and how indeed, God can use our trials and struggles to strengthen and refine us.

Once upon a time, I was prone to insomnia and anxiety, insecure and unfit, depressed and in despair, wondering how on earth if it would be possible to ever graduate. Once upon a time, things were so bad I thought ending things would be easier and that I might never make it through. Once upon a time, I thought my second book would be junked and God would turn out to be a hoax.

But today, I sleep like a lamb every night, I take exams with the perspective that I’ve passed them already, I’ve picked up triathlon, and I’ve never been more excited or motivated to graduate to become a doctor.

I really am excited.

Today, I just want to thank God for how He’s changed me, from a hopeless rag doll to someone hopeful, from someone who always needed to look to someone else for comfort to someone who can put her confidence in Him. Things have changed, in ways which I thought were impossible, and I’m just amazed. Because just some time ago, I thought it was impossible.

I come from a background which doesn’t really promote positive thinking. I ended up pushing myself harder than I ought to, beating myself up harder than I should, and believing that divorce, separation and conflict were the norm rather than the exception. But church changed all that- I started to believe in a God who believed in me, ended up enjoying the flow of work and play and started to see that loyalty, commitment and love, while not perfect, are real things that can happen to real people. Only lately, because of how my eyes were opened to 2 special couples at church with interesting histories, I think, finally, I’ve started to believe in romantic love again- if only a little.

That’s a real big step for me.

God, You changed my life and gave me hope.

At one point, I wanted to end this all. Today, I am in awe at this newfound joy in marvelling at the study of medicine and this newfound hope and faith in a future which is uncertain and scary.

At one point, I bashed love. Today, I think it is possible.

At one point, I thought God was a meanie. Today, I know He is a loving teacher, someone who makes dreams come true. If all goes well, A Taste of Rainbow should be launched in February.

God, thank you for my church.

Thank you for helping me believe in myself,

and to believe that a 180-turnaround is possible.

Thank you for helping me believe

that with faith, hope and love,

miracles really do happen.

I’ve decided to follow You, and there’s no turning back.