I See.

I remembered it scared me so much I wanted to close my eyes and will it away.

During my short exposure to Ophthalmology during my curriculum, I had taken a fancy to the subject. The poetic nature of making blind eyes see and the beauty of the intricate eye surgeries had drawn my heart to the subject. My family and close friends had advised me to keep an open mind with regards to Ophthalmology, but what I had heard about the Eye Centre scared me, and I willed my interest away.

“It’s a money-making business.”

“Oh yeah, you’re guaranteed a good life.”

“Haven’t you heard? That’s where all the money-grubbers flock to…”

I was afraid of myself, afraid of the possibility of me becoming so rich and comfortable that I could forget about missions altogether. I could end up making hundreds of thousands in a private practice, spending my time going for facials, pedicures and spas.

What I didn’t want to admit to myself, was really how petrified I was by what I had seen at the Eye Centre. The well-dressed doctors, Gucci bags, Ninewest shoes and diamond rings caught my eye, and the realisation that these material things, too, held a strange enchantment for me scared me. I was afraid to come face to face with my own materialism, and afraid of where it may lead me. I was afraid of coming face to face with the realisation of my superficiality, that other people may stereotype me as a money-grubber if I pursued Ophthalmology, and afraid of my discovering my insecurity, that people might not see me as a real doctor.

I knew I liked Ophthalmology- I had dreamed of going to villages to perform cataract surgeries on blind patients. Because of my fears, however, I closed my eyes to that possibility and directed my gaze to obstetrics and gynaecology (O&G) instead. What I don’t see, I will not want, I thought. And so I chucked it aside. Ophthalmology is too technology-dependent to be useful for missions, I said to myself.

I was sorely wrong.

This week, on an outfield trip to a clinic in the village, my eyes were opened to what I had been blind to all this while. Dr. Steve Anderson, an ophthalmologist from USA and who now heads Global Eye Missions, opened my eyes to a field I had closed my eyes to too soon. After giving up his lucrative 12-year private practice and life of luxury, he came with his wife and 3 children to come stay in the jungle hospital to train local doctors to prevent and treat blindness among the poor.

“Over 300 million people in the world are visually impaired and 40 million of them are blind, Wai Jia. 80% of blindness is avoidable and 90% of the blind are from developing countries. Cataract surgery is a 20-minute operation that can reverse blindness and change lives dramtically… Come with me for the eye camp in the village. I want you to see for yourself how incredibly valuable Ophthalmology is to the poor.”

And so I did. Villager after villager streamed into the clinic, set up in the middle of the jungle. The village chiefs had told them we were coming and lined up expectantly. Some had blurry vision, some were blind, some had eye injuries. Dr Steve, together with a local doctor he is training, screened the eager patients one by one, scheduling needy ones for surgery.

On the previous day, Dr Steve had invited me to be in the operating theatre with him, and I saw how fast, cost effective and efficient eye surgery can be, and how life-changing it can be. 20 minutes is all that is needed to remove a cataract which makes an eye blind. One’s vision is restored almost instantaneously. The elderly blind no longer need to be ostracized, the middle-aged blind need not lose their livelihoods, and the younger women no longer need to turn to prostitution in desperation. For the first time, I was truly awed by the gift of making the blind eyes of the poor see.

“Portable microscopes have made eye surgery so accessible to the poor, even in villages. Have you heard of Dr Ruit? Look at the amazing work he’s done.”

It’s amazing how thrilled one can be just to regain the gift of sight. We watched a video of an elderly lady seeing again, and it was both heartwarming and hilarious to see the withered woman dance and leap with joy. She was beside herself. It was at the village clinic, when I saw the smile of a woman who was given a pair of spectacles that I realised how simple and beautiful it was to restore another’s sight. I didn’t need to be a hot-shot doctor to do that, what I needed was a willing heart to serve the needy. I had a choice not to do it in a place already teeming with Ophthalmologists, but in places where people desperately need eyecare.

a villager with poor eyesight who had just been given a pair of spectacles

I realised, that I was scared, and out of fear, fixed my eyes on O&G because I thought Ophthalmology offered me too cushy a world and a universe of material things which might discourage me from my true calling. (O&G has far less cushy lifestyle- think waking up an unearthly hours.) And what an uncanny coincidence it was, too, for me to meet Dr Steve’s partner, an Indonosian Ophthalmologist who is well-known in the hospital for delivering babies and doing Caesearean sections. “In a missions hospital setting, an ophthalmologist may still be required to deliver babies and look after women and children, but an obstetrician will not be able to do cataract surgery.”

I felt God opening my eyes to help me gain a wider perspective, so I wouldn’t limit my options so soon.

What I saw reminded me, that really, we needn’t let what we see paralyse us with fear. It doesn’t matter if Prada, Gucci or Kate Spade catches my eye. For when the visible world offers us no hope for encouragement and becomes potentially distracting, faith is God’s divine gift to help us refocus and endure, so we reach our dreams in the end. Faith in the unseen, has the power to dispel fear. As long as I continued to focus my eyes on God and the poor, He would lead me to where my heart belonged, be it in Obstetrics and Gynaecology (O&G) or Ophthalmology.

“Don’t be afraid, Wai Jia. Have faith. Whatever you choose will certainly be useful to the poor. Just stay close to God, follow your heart and everything will fall into place.”

Ah, I see.

” For the things which are seen are temporary,

but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

– 2 Cor 4:18