M & Ms.

I always have had a sweet tooth. When I was little, M&Ms were one of my favourite things. I’d walk to the gas station nearby after our game of pretending to be Power Rangers or whatever Superhero was screening at the time and buy a pack on a late afternoon. They were precious coloured stones, and I enjoyed licking them and smearing the different-coloured gems over my lips, showing off my new lipstick before devouring the lot.

Sometimes I’d finish an entire pack on my own but the surfeit made me queasy. It never was half as enjoyable as licking them slowly one by one and savouring them one by one, very very slowly, through the afternoon.

I’ve been thinking a lot about M&Ms lately. Not the chocolate, but other things- medicine, maturity, marriage, missions and money. About the way medicine is shaping me into maturity, about how I am maturing into an adult who will (hopefully, ha) enter marriage, about how the kind of man in my marriage I enter into will change my whole life for better or worse, and how missions will bring my faith in money matters to a whole new level. And amidst all this, coming to terms with a decision regarding whether or not to buy a second-hand roadbike for myself, whether or not it’s wise stewardship of money, whether it goes against the grain of what missions has taught me, thus far- but that will be for another post.

Some days, it does become daunting to think about these things. It becomes too much.

One day, Aunty Ay text messaged me after I had shared with her a little that had been on my mind:

“Wai Jia, I will definitely keep you in prayer. An important element in faith is patience, which takes time to develop in all of us! Trust God to unfold the different M&Ms for you slowly in His time. Like those yummy bits of choc candy, we can’t eat all of it at one shot or we’ll feel sick. So too, commit your steps, one at a time, to God’s direction. Take time to reflect and savour the adventure, safe in the knowledge that your times are in His hands!”

At once I realised how silly and redundant it was to worry about what only Time will eventually unfold. I used to agonise much over too many things, and it’s only been of late that I’ve learnt to let much go, learnt to trust, and I’m relieved for the peace that’s filled my heart regarding all the M&Ms that used to boggle me.

Suddenly I have the assurance that nobody’s going to steal my M&Ms. They’re all in a pack, safely tucked away, all for me, and I can take my time to savour them slowly, one by one, without fear, nor worry, nor haste.

Aunty Ay is right- like those yummy bits of chocolate candy, we can’t eat all of it at once or we’ll feel queasy. Just as much as I hope to graduate from medicine, grow in God, get married, go to the mission field and become wise and matured, all these wonderful things happening at the same time will surely be too much for me all at once. So I remind myself that as I take Time to exercise my faith and savour the adventure slowly, I can feel safe in the knowledge that my times are truly in His hands.

No one’s going to steal my M & Ms, and I’m going to enjoy every bit of it, wonderfully slowly.