Time of the Month.

It’s like you’re walking hand-in-hand with the ones you love, marching onward and upward in a team. But there comes a time where the road forks into a million paths, and everybody has to walk their own road alone. The clouds, bruised ominously in purple and black, dress the skies and pungent, wet smell of the rain hangs thick in the air.

But we forget, that even rainclouds pass.

To the simultaneous frustration and yet relief of half the population of the world, we sigh in resignation at the tumultuous tsunami of emotions our biological clocks put us through once every 30 days or so. I now have a name for it- a pseudo-storm, one that bears all the signs of an impending doom but really only is a sense of it, and passes transiently. One struggles with nausea, giddiness, irritation, sharp pains which interrupt you as you try to salvage a misshapened smile in a light-hearted conversation, unshakeable moodiness and insomnia for a good few days, and resisting the frequent urge to throw a dodgeball at the nearest homosapien showing the slightest discourtesy or that to pierce barbecue skewers through the closest unsuspecting victim.

At once, you wonder what in the world happened to Snow White and whether it was the apple you had the day before which turned you into an ogre overnight. You give up looking at the calendar because the stress of work anyway messes up what ought to be scheduled with mechanical precison. You begin to doubt yourself. You look around, see stormclouds above you but no one in sight on the road. You start to panic.

Then the crimson wave arrives, both to your despair and relief, the stars align and the world is back in order. You heave a deep sigh of relief as your usual self returns (without the spit-fire), while muttering curse words, not at people -thankfully-, but at your cycle, vicious in its own sense, under your breath.

It’s been a long road to Recovery. And while most days have been good, most much better, somedays (say when the cataclysmic mix of hormones in your body are making you feel giddy, nauseous, unimaginably weepy and frustrated and causing you insomnia- all this is scientific, by the way), you feel like throwing in the towel. Half the world’s population suffers from this insufferable injustice, to varying extents.

Sometimes you give yourself some time to cry it all out, and pray it goes away in the morning. But other times, especially when you can’t be sure if it’s the hormones or simply you, it lingers… and on a bad day where everything seems to be backward and inside-out, where the pseudo-storm threatens to break out into a vehement onslaught, you wonder where God has been this while.

That night, quite some time back, I remember having to bite through one of those difficult moments again. Alone in my room, I whispered aloud, YOU THERE, GOD? And shortly after Daddy comes through the door to give me a parcel from America. “You have a friend called Mike there? Since when?”

My eyes are red because I’ve been crying but I try to hide them from him. “Yes, thanks so much, Dad.”

I open the parcel, my tears stop and at once I feel goosebumps all over. Just at the moment I asked YOU THERE, GOD?, I receive a huge Godflag through the mail, from thousands of miles away from a Stranger I’ve never even met- a huge White Flag, large as a blanket, with the word “GOD” printed on it. I asked where He was, and the huge flag with His name on it staring right back at me seemed to chide my wavering faith ever so lovingly again.

It sounds dramatic, almost. Well, it was, in some way.

So there you are, God- up there in the heavens among the stars, your presence is in my White Place, your fingerprints are on the pages of Kitesong, and your delicate concern and care for me came in through a White Godflag in the mail from a Complete Stranger oceans away, who sent it to me after reading a previous post I had written 2 weeks ago, entitled “White Flag”.

From the Comments section of the post, White Flag:

Dear Tan Wai Jia.

My name is Mike, I found your blog through a search for GodFlags on the net. Your site came up because of the keyword search (on flags), and I’ve got to say it is a treat to have stopped by. You’re passionate, thoughtful and even add a little humor in your muse, which defines a great personality…you. I, and a friend of mine spread the word God, by giving and selling God Flags. You’ll be pleased to know that they are, indeed, “white”. When time permits, feel free to visit the godflags.com website to check out the GodFlag, that in which you so perfectly described in your writing. We update our blog every other day and are always adding GodSightings that people send to us. They are pictures of their white God flags where ever they may be. I’ll keep an eye on your blog, thanks for sharing.

Peace, Mike

3:39 AM

wj said…
Hi Mike,

Thanks for writing- what a lovely surprise to hear from you from another part of the world. I’m constantly amazed how hearts are knit together for the same purpose and call to our lives. I’m very encouraged by yr website, and spurred on by your love for God. May His call for your life’s purpose be made clearer as you walk in faith with Him every day.Thank you for yr encouragement and edification.

Blessings,Wai Jia
2:30 PM

Mike said…
Hello WJ.

Yes, way over here but connected by the earth we stand on. You’ve got to love the internet, as it does provide a link that we can all use to connect with others, sharing. Your writings and expressions don’t fall upon deaf ears. Although you may not hear much, you should know that you’re touching many. I’d love to send you a GodFlag, you can contact me through the site in the contact section. Just leave a comment with an address to send the flag to. I think it’ll be the second God flag in Asia, a friend took one to the Great Wall. Well keep up your studies, I bet you’re doing well.

Good luck!

Peace, Mike
11:13 AM

Hello, Wai Jia

I mailed out your God Flag today, not sure how long it will take to make it to Singapore…but know it’s on its way.

Keep up the good work and great writing! We’ll talk again soon.

Peace, Mike

I folded the Godflag neatly, overwhelmed by God’s love for me. Perhaps it sounds crazy, cheesy almost- after all, couldn’t it simply be coincidence? Sure, it could. But for every dark moment I find myself alone on the road, I find God’s hand made real and personal to me and His answer Timely, always so Timely, in the most serendipitious and beautiful of ways.

So I put my hands up in submission, like an army general with his White Flag, and surrendered once again to another powerful, Timely moment of God’s divine grace, made known to me in perfect Timing, under the perfect circumstance where I needed Him most. It was then that I knew once again, in a profound and real way, that You are real, and are there for me, for us, under all circumstances- in storms or pseudo-storms, alone on the road or not- and you never dismiss how we feel based on the status of our hormones or how terribly we think we’ve been feeling.

He loves and cares for us, in the big and tiniest of ways, in all weather, on all kinds of roads, no matter what time of the month it is.

Thank God for His timeliness.

And thank you for the White Flag, Mike. It’s beautiful.

” I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.”

– Jeremiah 31:3