For better.

We spend most of our time at it. Many of us breathe it, think it, dream it… Many of us even sacrifice other parts of our lives for it, even though it takes up an already significant portion of our waking hours.

Work.

Many of us think, breathe, live it.

I think, we underestimate the power of what it does to us.

Today, I was interviewed by a writer from Mediacorp for the university alumni magazine. We met at hospital, where I’m working at currently. They wanted to know about the humanitarian work I had been engaged in, and take a peek into my working life.

I was asked a few questions, one of which was what kept me going, what kept me continually involved in mission work and volunteer service in spite of the hundred-hour work weeks and grueling workload. People ask me this frequently, based on the assumption that life with the poor is much harder than life here.

I think I surprised myself when I said, “I find it much harder to be in a big institution like this than being out there with the poor. I struggle far more here than out there. Here, it’s easy to lose yourself to the System. It’s easy to be proud and efficient and cold. It’s easy to lose one’s true calling in life. What does our world teach us? Looking good, climbing up the corporate ladder… We become lost in doing big things, and forget the little things that make life worthwhile. But with the poor, I feel constantly humbled by their gratitude and way of life. I feel grounded. Being with the poor helps me stay true to my calling.”

Since work started, I have changed. I have become more tired, more impatient in some ways, and more desperate for solitude. One of the most significant things I noted, was my inclination to lean towards solitude, rather than mix with large groups of people. Instead of joining my large, gregarious group of colleagues for lunch, I would rather have a quiet meal with random friends, one on one; Instead of accepting invites for movies after work on a rare occasion, I would rather meet a close friend for prayer, an evening jog or a quiet dinner near home; Instead of meeting people outside, I would rather invite them to my place. Or better still, do some journaling by myself.

Work, has changed me significantly. I have become quieter, more serious, and more introverted.

I think it is imperative to realize what one’s work does to one, even if it may not be acutely deleterious.

Has your work hardened your heart? Made you a little more edgy than you used to be because of your overtime hours? Has it caused you to snap or become more brittle? Has it made you hungry for power, status, recognition?

External forces grate at us every day. And if we do not consciously make ourselves aware of their denuding powers, we will lose ourselves to the System. We become proud, with our heads lost in the clouds. We become big, and drive ourselves to graves too big to dig.

A few weeks back when I was in the midst of some very trying times at work, I asked a close friend, with tears in my eyes, a question which stung myself. I had had enough of feeling hungry and tired with a full bladder at 2am in the morning with patients and nurses demanding things from me. Even more than the demands, I was frustrated with how  I reacted to them when they seemed to bear and crush down on me like a compressor. Being civil and staying sane when faced with unreasonable demands on one’s 30^th consecutive hour of work can be a Herculean task.

“Jo, I thought housemanship was supposed to make me better. Why has it, instead, brought out the worst in me? I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Work- what are you allowing it to mould you into?

Bitter or better?

“Because hardship at work doesn’t automatically make you a better person, Jia. It just gives you an opportunity to choose to be one.”

“Is it possible, Jo?”

“Yes, Jia. It is.”

It is. So be not discouraged. Stay aware. Stay humble. Stay grounded.

And your work will make you better, not bitter.

 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men…”

–        Colossians 3:23