“Something doesn’t feel quite right,” I said.
“I ONLY WANT MUMMY!”
“I ONLY WANT DADDY!”
When my firstborn became increasingly close to me, while our second-born drew closer to Cliff, we knew this could be seasonal, a natural part of each of their growing journeys. But when days turned to weeks, I began to grieve my younger child growing distant from me.
I blamed myself. Perhaps it was the antenatal and postpartum depression. Perhaps I had disciplined her too harshly in her difficult toddler years.
“Well,” I thought, “At least she’s close to Cliff.”
But an epiphany hit me one day when I realized that love has NO LIMITS. It is infinite. We could ALL be close to each other. Why did that have to be a dream, not reality?
As I prayed, I felt God bring to mind the painful times I’d disciplined my younger child- perhaps a little too harshly, or in ways she did not take to.
With tears in my eyes, I asked her one day if she would “forgive Mama for the times I might have spanked you too much or too hard,” and all she said, with a sparkle in her eye was, “IT’S OKAY, MAMA, I HAPPY NOW.,” And with a spring in her voice exclaimed, “YOU CAN TRY AGAIN!”
Tears gushed from my eyes.
Such is the lavish love and deep forgiveness our children have for us, even of our missteps.
Soon after that incident, Esther-Praise’s heart opened up dramatically to me. For the first time, she requested one-on-one time with Mama- “I WANT TO EAT ICE-CREAM JUST WITH YOU,” while my firstborn, who’d recently expressed her sadness about Cliff’s tone of voice with her at times, grew closer to Papa, too, after he’d sought her forgiveness.
This clip was taken on a bus, as I asked her the same questions that I did a day before.
I am learning— that no matter what our children’s ages, it is never too late to say we are sorry. We aren’t perfect, but our children know the nuanced heart language of repentance, and have spirits large enough to hold both grief and goodness.
If you’re reading this and feel an urge to repair any part of your relationship with your children, do it. And may the unexpected outcome bring you great delight and deep joy 💛💛💛