Reflections of a wife & mother on international deployment:
I can never describe the unnatural, uncomfortable feeling of a mother making the decision to be apart from her littles for more than a night.
My only comfort during deployment is the intense, mad-frenetic work that comes.
Because it’s in the quiet, empty spaces, that heartbreak catches up and overwhelms me.
The missing of chubby cheeks pressed against mine, squishy arms wrapped around my neck, bursts of love exploding into, “I love that you’re my Mummy forever!”
And the strength of thick arms entwined around my shoulders, saying, “love you.” Memories of our tenth wedding anniversary dinner overlooking the Singapore skyline as we hold hands fighting invisible battles, together.
So deep down, I’m quietly grateful for the promised 16-hour work days, the changing venues, and potential 2-3am wake-up calls to manage the scenarios of a simulated outbreak disaster.
Quietly, I’m hoping to be too tired to miss my littles. Too busy to wish I was with them. Too stressed out to worry about the bullying incident back home.
But deeply inside, I do.
I miss them with all my heart. 💔
Beyond the tight timelines, the daily uncertainties, the challenging intensity and pace, THIS, undoubtedly, is the hardest part about being a mother on international deployment.