No one likes to talk about conflict.
So when we were asked by Focus on the Family to be one of 3 couples interviewed for a video interview on the topic of “Deeper Marriages” to commemorate their 20th anniversary, to answer questions on Communication spontaneously, I paused to think.
“You guys are an awesome power couple but could you share- What was your worst fight like?”
Did we really want to talk about this on set?
But, we did. We decided we would because we wanted others to know- they’re not alone.
For years, I struggled with the shame of intense exchanges in marriage. I hated hearing from mentor couples who told us that they’d never fought before.
What was wrong with us?
But our story is – communication is a journey. Like us, you might have fought poorly before. Like us, you might have grown up in dysfunctional families. So why compare?
As long as you commit to learning, you both can make progress in leaps and bounds- together.
The truth is- at some point, we’d all have felt shame for what we’ve said to each other.
But no matter what you’ve been through, there’s always a story of redemption on the other side, if you both are willing to try, one more time.
As tears trickled down from the crinkles of our eyes as we shared our proudest moments of each other, I couldn’t help but thank God for this Good Friday gift- the gift of conversation, of gratitude, of exchanging thoughts on vulnerability and forgiveness.
When the last question “What advice would you give to other couples to build stronger marriages?” came, both of us had our own answers to share.
But now I wonder, what if the answer were as simple as having more conversations like these? What if all we needed to do was to look into each other’s eyes, thank each other, and share our growth with each other more regularly? What if it were as simple as honoring each other and laughing together at our moments of hurt, embarrassment, pain?
Maybe, just maybe- it’s as simple as having more couch conversations- of greater vulnerability and deeper connection.