“Are you asking me to resign?”
A week before that conversation, I’d been promised a pay increase by my supervisor. But suddenly, faced with news that blew up in my face, a voice over the phone presented the options to me.
“Well, that would help. Or you can take my suggestion and just transfer CEO-ship of Kitesong Global to your husband.”
“That’s not even right.”
“Well, it’s up to you. It’s the easiest way to maintain your staff benefits with us.”
I wondered if it was glee, that highness in tone, that inflection in “you.”
I’d been working for years at the same place with work performance that had exceeded expectations. My boss had recruited me precisely because of my social sector background as the Founder of Kitesong Global.
Now, years later, at the worst of times, HR discovered what I had declared upfront all along.
“Yes, you declared. But I overlooked. So basically, you can’t be CEO of an entity and staff here. It’s the rules. You have to quit one.”
My fingers clutched the phone tightly. I pursed my lips, trying to stop my words. I thought my phone might snap into two.
“Just think about it. Transferring CEO-ship to your husband would be the easiest option.”
Everything caved in at the same time- this being edged into a corner to choose one resignation, the stressful financial audits of Kitesong Global, our main sponsor pulling out, and the imminent deployment to an unknown part of Africa.
I couldn’t breathe.
“You should be angry,” said Cliff. “I’m mad for you.”
I looked at my husband, bewildered. Between the two of us, he was always the calmer one.
With tears in my eyes, I looked at him and confessed, “I can only choose one, Cliff. It’s as if God wants me to make a choice- to choose integrity or the easy way out.”
To transfer my CEO title at Kitesong Global to Cliff would preserve my staff entitlements at work, but it felt so wrong- even if it looked right on paper.
Yet, giving up my day job as a sole breadwinner felt irresponsible. Did it have to be this way?
Looking back, I see the all-too-familiar strategy by the enemy- at the cusp of kingdom progress, he will do all he can to distract, to detract, to sling mud in our faces. And the weapon to this is not slicker negotiation or self-striving. For our warfare is not against flesh and blood, but a spiritual one.
We began to pray.
Looking back, I understand it all now. God had a plan for me to be deployed by WHO/UNICEF to Eswatini. Had I resigned from my role at the university, the tripartite partnership would have fallen through. Had I taken the easy way out to transfer my CEO-ship to Cliff, I would have lost my integrity, forever. It would have strained our marriage.
After weeks of anguish and travail in prayer, God gave me a remarkable epiphany. I asked for an appeal to the Provost. I was desperate for closure. “God, let this end before Christmas!”
Weeks passed. Just before Christmas Eve, I received an email.
The Provost had granted me exceptional approval at the highest level to maintain both positions, since there was no conflict of interest.
Shortly after, WHO/UNICEF reached out to to deploy me through the university. If I had resigned, it would have been impossible.
Still, when the sponsor who had committed to funding staff for us for a year pulled out just as we confirmed our first staff at Kitesong Global, it knocked the last wind out of me.
I left for Africa, thanking God for the two-month respite from the realities of this baggage. Yet, time wore me down.
One night, all alone without my husband nor children to witness my grief, I cried, serrated and raw, before God, my untangled mess laid bare before Him. “No God,” I cried, I can’t go back to this mess. To the same gaping hole, the same crushing burden.”
All my life, people have told me they see faith as a hallmark in my life. But the time had come when my faith was tested beyond my limit, and I was running out. I wept past midnight.
Hands clutching a wet pillow. Heart heavy. Desperate for God to come through. There was no way I could make up $70K on my own for the operations for the year ahead. A mentor’s advice nudged me. “You need to renew your mindset towards money. You’re not asking for yourself, but for the kingdom.”
For the first time, I realized my principle of non-soliciting was borne not of trust but of pride. I finally replied to an old email, from an old sponsor who had asked about our needs.
The next morning, I awoke, eyes puffy. He had reached out to pledge $20K, exceeding the half-hearted sponsor who had pulled out. A day before my birthday, our finance volunteer wrote to me, “Wai Jia, the $20K has not come in yet, but strangely, there is already $20K in our account. Random people have chipped in. That is more than half of what we need for the coming year.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks. That was His birthday gift to me.
Today, a day before my second child’s third birthday, we welcomed Tiffany, a wonderful faith-filled woman to Kitesong Global on her first day of work! ❤️
Beloved, when you think nothing in your situation is changing, know this- God is working, even when you don’t see it. The enemy hates your progress. He hates your joy. He hates light coming into darkness. He will do everything he can to hijack His plans for you.
When I first arrived in Eswatini, I had a terrible dream of a demon harassing me. The next day. I suffered a terrible sickness. Colleagues talked about evacuating me for surgery- I was scared stiff. I had just arrived! But God gave me a vision of angels encamped around my room. I went to bed with great peace. A telemedicine consult in the morning revealed it was an infection that could be managed locally.
The days which followed were filled with breakthroughs at work with key stakeholders in Eswatini. Had I left, so much would have been set back.
So press on, friends. To all our friends struggling to keep business afloat in the pandemic, to anyone struggling with discouragement- God is with you. Don’t give up.
When your seeds of faith feel suffocated by soil and manure, know that therein lies a flowering of extravagant hope.
When your faith feels tested beyond limit, lean into God.
When your integrity is stretched beyond you, rise up. Don’t back down.
He is working. He will come through for you.
Watch Him part your seas. ❤️🙏🏾🌈🙌🏾
