Sunshine and the Rain.

It took me a trip to Myanmar with a small team from my church to realize how spiritually empty and burnt out I’ve been.

Work. It really drains one.

And so I decided, on this mission trip, that I really need to make a concerted effort to put God in the centre of my life again. The children in the orphanages reminded me of what I was working for, and for whom, too. I turned down what was supposed to be a “prestigious” invitation to a dinner organized by my university for selected students tonight, so I could finally attend my first bible study in the longest time.

It was a long and treacherously wet journey to the destination, the humble abode of my “big sis” at church. She married a missionary (my missions pastor now, heh), and it was a blessing in itself to see and be a part of her home, if only for a while. The speaker was a missionary who had grown up in Malawi, Africa, one of the poorest parts of the continent. He was their best man at their wedding too. As he shared one of the famous poetic passages in the bible, Psalms 19, I began to realize what it is that I so need in my life.

Grace.

The speaker shared about the beauty of creation, about the consistency of the sunrise and sunsets, and how God’s graciousness and love is seen in His generous giving of sunshine and rain, both to the righteous and unrighteous.

It struck a chord in me.

For it truly takes a big-hearted, magnanimous spirit to shower love consistently to both the wicked and the kind.

Every day, I am bombarded by nurses and patients and doctors and other people asking, asking, asking me for things. Some are demanding, some unreasonable; some rub me the wrong way or catch me at a wrong time, some wrong or gossip about me- these are typical, common everyday occurences which happen at the workplaces of most people. Yet, how do we respond? How do I respond?

Sometimes I am warm, sometimes I am less warm. But sometimes I am curt and frustrated and pushed to the wall, especially if I’ve been on my feet the whole day and tired and hungry and have 5 other urgent things to see to…

… and when I become someone whom I’m not used to being and finally lose my patience, if only for a bit and a little while, I realize how badly in need I am of God’s remarkable grace, how desperately I am in need of His consistent love and support, even when I am inconsistent. I realize, how I need to let His spirit dwell inside me, so I too, can display that same consistency. That same consistency that governs the rising and setting of the sun, that rains and shines on the wicked and the kind. Because after all, when was love ever picky or choosy?

Grace. We need it all the more when we realize, we can’t even be human on our own.

Under stress and distress, my reaction under duress appalls me at times. This is something only my closest friends who have started work as junior doctors dare share with me, for we never saw this side of ourselves manifest itself before. This sort of work can truly bring out the worst in one, what with 80-hour work weeks and neverending people to see and examine and check on and interview.

Today was the first day I was left to look after an entire ward of patients on my own. And then just before work ended today, I got told off by a senior, who reacted to me under stress as well, who then apologized, even though I wasn’t offended at all. I then realized, we had both exercised grace- the senior forgiving my inexperience in a certain matter and myself forgiving the harsh tone of voice.

Psalm 19 brought to my remembrance, the need for daily cleansing of our spirits. It has been too long, and my heart feels crusted with the daily muck of irritation, offense, gossip and discouragement.

Today, I was reminded of a few things- the beauty of bible study, of sitting together and enjoying God’s presence with fellow like-minded people; the beauty of grace extended to others; and last but not least, the beauty of the consistency of God’s love and grace which is as faithful as the rising and setting of the sun, which is freely given to us, so we may give it to others as well.

Grace, it is the sunshine and rain, on the wicked and the kind.