I don’t think it was chance at all, that I’d nearly finished reading my book stash and couldn’t find a bookstore where I am in Africa, when I found this book on the shelf in my very office- “Creating an Intimate Marriage” by Jim Burns.
The more I read, the more I cried (especially through the chapter on “Fun and Friendship”)-knowing how far I’d fallen short, how serious and un-fun I’d become, and how you stay committed still, every day.
There was a page which required one to list 10 fun things one had done in early marriage, and 20 fun date ideas.
I stared at it, tears welling up. God planted the book there- just for me. I’ve been away for three weeks now.
Through the mayhem, the long days, the chaos, you’ve never grumbled. It’s my fault that I never let you cook since we married (cooking for you was my love language), but seeing you teach yourself has been heartbreaking and beautiful- all at the same time. You never blamed me.
Instead, all you’ve ever said to me during this equally-hard stint for you was, “You’re growing so much. I’m so proud of you. We are missing and praying for you.”
But what touched me the most, really, was when you said last week, with the biggest widest smile, “I want to cook a special dish for you when you come back.”
Today on our daily call, I said, “Gosh, do you ever dread that when I come home, it’ll be the normal everyday humdrum all over again?”
You replied without missing a beat, “But you see, that’s it! After you left, I realize HOW GOOD ‘humdrum’ was! There’s a hole where you left. And it made me wonder why I complained when I had it SO GOOD! So I can’t wait for you to return, for me to re-live ‘humdrum’ with you!”
For all the times we’ve missed together, I’m grateful- that the man I married 9 years ago, is not the same man- but a gentler, kinder, stronger man.
A man who has loved me in spite of myself. A man who finds ways to have fun even when I’m miserably not. I am grateful for you.
And I miss you, too.
