Always faithful.

“So as of today, even though the results aren’t out, and nothing is for certain, I will take the risk to declare, that I have passed. Today, is my last day as a medical student.

In my times of greatest uncertainty, God has always used the rainbow to remind me to trust in Him. 3 years ago when I finished the first draft of my 2nd book, God painted a rainbow just minutes after I had finished it; today, on my way to the paediatric clinic for my exams, the glass panel of the bus split the sunlight into a slit of rainbow light onto my study material on my lap, and it was strangely reassuring in its own quiet way; and though I know I’m taking a really big risk saying this, I think I already know which hospital I will be posted to after my graduation, even though it has not been announced yet. (Because one day, I saw a rainbow at that hospital during the time I was praying about this, too. We’ll see.)”

I wrote this after my final exams ended.

Today, I just want to share with all of you journeying with me the good news that less than 48 hours ago, I found out that I passed my medical exams.

I passed well, and indeed, I got posted to my favorite hospital (the one I saw that rainbow beam at) for my first rotation.

I also found out, that I have been selected into the Residency programme of my choice.

In a friend’s words, it is a “highly coveted spot”. I share this, not in arrogance or pride, but in great awe at what God has done in my life, because He has shown me again, how truly, when we let go and surrender, beautiful things happen.

At the Orientation briefing today, I suddenly felt humbled and in awe of the transforming work God has done in my life. Try to understand- my grades have always been quite average, I scraped through my second year because of my illness, I have a medical record which declares that I had this record of this illness, during my exam period, I was still living my life and sitting with Grandpa Zhou and keeping him company when he needed it and writing and attending church, and 2 weeks before that so much drama happened that I really was quite burnt out from the fanfare of the book launch and all… Passing this exam really ( in my old human mind) should not have happened.

Perhaps other people might think how smart I really am. But only I, in the depths of my heart, know how God has truly extended His hand of immense grace and faithfulness to me to lift me from the miry clay. Two weeks before the exam, I couldn’t even tell you the causes of renal failure, gaah.

Once again, God has shown me, that when we let go and trust Him, miracles happen. When we rely on His strength and not our own, supernatural things can happen, things that don’t follow logic or expected reasoning.

This year is a year of miracles. And this has just been another one.

That old me has gone- angry, insecure, self-striving. I had an illness. I had an illness no one wants to talk about. I was living in shame and spiritual poverty and couldn’t remember anything medical because it was hard to focus in school.

Just within 3 years, God completely healed me and restored me and returned doubly unto me exactly in the way He had promised me 3 years ago when He gave me that vision of the tree.

It completely amazed and stunned me.

Tears streamed down my face when I got home after today’s briefing, after I had taken in the magnitude of what being called Doctor means, what this life entails, what responsibility and weight this carries.

Today, I want to renew my commitment to the poor and the needy. I want to make the commitment to God to be a good doctor. For Him, for my patients, for their families.

Oh Lord, I am afraid.

And even though I am suffering from a red, hot and swollen calf from a serious skin infection in my leg from Mozambique and a re-ruptured hamstring from shivering in the cold in wintry Johanessburg (yes, it snapped at rest), I realize I am soaked in joy because unlike how I was in anguish and pain and bitterness when my hamstring snapped last year, I realize, that triathlon and sports and self-striving no longer has that bitter hold over me anymore.

I know this will shock some of you, but I’m giving up racing for something more. This is a new season. I will always continue to exercise and live healthily for God and myself and the people around me, but the need or desire to race has evaded me. This is what God has done in my heart in Mozambique, this is part of my inner healing and surrender. This joy in spite of this ruptured hamstring right now tells me so. Yes, completing an Olympic-distance triathlon was a dream but a bigger, more worthwhile dream awaits, and that consumes all other dreams.

Unfortunately, since I got back less than 48 hours ago, I have been bombarded by phonecalls, emails and facebook messages requesting to accept television, newspaper, radio and email interviews, speaking at a youth conference and at Sunday school this weekend, on top of a slew of Orientation activities lasting from 8am to 6pm daily from this Saturday onwards, sparing Sunday. I almost feel like I’ve fled from a sanctuary to a refugee camp, when it really should be the other way round.

I am learning, the more distractions there are, the more we need to be alone with God.

Quietly, in solitude. The way it should be this easter weekend.

So I’m going to be very thankful and happy for my very injured left leg- injured from knee down with the crazy African infection, and injured from knee up from the absurd hamstring snap.

There will be more writing and less talking. More praying and less moving.

God, you decide for me what I need to say yes, and what I need to say no to.

But for now, thank you for the privilege of being a physician. Let me always remember my humble beginnings, that despised place of strife and anguish and bitterness where I came from and how I came to be. And let me always remember, that You are the Healer and ultimate Hope, and not me.

Thank you all for your prayers and notes of affirmation, encouragement and support.

God is always faithful.

Love.