It’s hard to believe, that in 8 days time, my final examinations would have ended; and in 11 days time, I will be flying to Africa by myself to visit another ministry which helps orphans and women in needy communities.
On a separate note, tomorrow is the Aviva Half Iron-Man triathlon race, the race which I had contemplated signing up for last year before I suffered my injury. Looking back, I’m immensely grateful for the terrible leg and hip injury I suffered, which gave me time to reflect, to stop, to be still. Now, I finally understand God’s mercy to me in teaching me to focus on the most important task at hand, that is, to be a good doctor.
I’m excited about the exams next week.
There will be no written papers, only clinical hands-on examinations and interviewing of real patients under the watchful eye of poker-faced examiners, carried out under extremely tight timeframes and stringent exam conditions. There will be patients from surgical, orthopedic and internal medicine specialties. There will be tough questions and sweat and furrowing of eyebrows. There will be bells and buzzers and the frantic scuffling of feet.
Next week, will be a ball.
As I gear up to prepare for the last week of exam preparations, I find myself full of excitement and energy. I can’t believe, I’m really looking forward to becoming a practising doctor.
To release stress and to maximise my study breaks, I’ve still been going for my runs in the early dawn. 7km yesterday, 8km today and another 1.2km swim today at noon during another study break to release my pent-up emotions stirring inside due to various things.
Underneath the hot sun, swimming, it dawned upon me that Triathlon, is still an unfinished chapter in my life.
Tomorrow, is the Aviva Half Iron-Man.
I still have an unfinished race which I didn’t go for because of my injury last year. It intrigued me to realise that for all the races I had signed up for under my name, I had suffered some mishap or another-accidents or injuries. And those races which I was asked at the last minute to stand in for, under the name of another person who had dropped out at the last moment due to unforseen circumstances, were those I performed best in- the 90km biking relay for the Half-Iron Man 2010, and the 40km bike race which I did well in last year. It seemed, that I did best whenever I raced purely for the fun of the sport, without the stress and pressure of having to train or strive or outdo myself.
As J mentioned to me before, triathlon has been a wonderful sport in helping me cope with my own intensity.
Even though I’ve only finished a tiny mini-triathlon, I feel I’ve learnt so much from training. This time, I’ve learnt, that for every race I compete in in life, be they in the realm of exams or work or sports, I need to learn the lesson of not striving from my own self-sufficiency, but instead, to allow God room to race alongside and ahead of me. I never understood this. It always seemed like such an abstract ideal. But now I understand. I understand that I need to let go, to stop imposing expectations on myself, to stop thinking about what other people may think, and simply, to enjoy the sport for what it is.
Today’s run and swim was incredible. I realise, I’ve fully recovered from my nasty hamstring tear and hip fracture. While swimming yet another lap under the blazing sun, I realized, that those injuries last year were a result of me working and pushing myself from a position of insecurity and self-striving, and not from a position of rest.
I realize, that Triathlon is still an unfinished chapter in my life.
Just like how I’ve finally woken to my senses to stop the ferocious, ceaseless striving in my studies, and instead, to simply trust in God and to do my best from a posture of trust, faith and rest, I realize, sports is an area of my life I need to let God work in, too.
Triathlon is still an unredeemed part of my life.
So I’ve decided. It’s not over yet. After much prayer, I realize that God has not asked me to give up the sport completely, but instead, to bring it under proper reign in my life. I realize, He has much to teach me through this, about character and surrender. I do hope to race again sometime. And I’m hoping, for an opportunity sometime this year.
And this time, I hope to race, not from a position of insecurity, or striving, but simply, from a place of humility, rest and trust- the same place of trust that He brought me to in the realm of studying and taking examinations.
And when I do, I know I will finally be able to let go and say, it’s gonna be a ball.
To those of you participating in tomorrow’s race, have a great time.