Fairytale dreams.

When I was little, I used to watch the Discovery and National Geographic channel all day long. You know those people who flew to Africa and Afghanistan and South America to give help to the poor? Doctors Without Borders, Red Cross International… I wanted to be one of them, in the thick of the action.

I didn’t really care what I would become. Journalist, videographer, correspondent, ambassador, nurse, or doctor… I just wanted a part to play. I didn’t know how I would get there, though-the possibilities were endless.

Yesterday, I met up with a team of dynamic people from Doctors Without Borders. In particular, I met up with a surgeon whose travel experiences really opened up my worldview.

I realised, that the possibilties are still, endless. There are so many ways one’s path can take, so many options. If you, like me, are always thinking about the future, then surely you are familiar with that overwhelming sense of loss and awe at the infinite options the Big future holds for us.

It worries me, still. Because at the brink of graduation and having undergone 2 internships, I have come to have a foretaste of the stark realities of working life and the grip this world has on us. Materialism, climbing up the corporate ladder, getting ahead and impressing people, all walk out like ogre characters from a fairytale into real life.

I never really understood why missionaries made such a “big” fuss about staying focused on missions and helping the poor in the midst of work and life and “the temptations of this world”. I used to think, What is so tempting about this place? But now I see.

It is not drama or stereotype which concocts anecdotes of people buying fast cars and expensive houses and living the high life. It is not that they are bad people. Work happens-it takes away weekends and drives people to self-indulgence. Life happens-it takes away one’s focus. We are weak. And temptation wears a good disguise.

I should have left the meeting feeling more invigorated, more inspired, more… focused. But it only left me with a sense of smallness in the greater scheme of things. The road to missions is a long and rocky one, with plenty of temptations in the way. One needs to keep walking ahead to keep one’s eyes on the horizon.

A few days ago, someone asked me a question which I am frequently asked- how do you find the time to do all these projects you’re engaged in?

I don’t have 36 hours in a day. So while the rest of the world is rubbing shoulders with big names and scrambling to write prolific research papers and getting them published to get ahead of the pack, I am simply doing what I feel needs to be done. And God, in His own funny way, has honoured my time. One thing which I must constantly remind myself is: I did not become a doctor to win an award, or to become most revered fastest. I did, because I dreamt, still dream, of helping the poor.

And how this will happen I do not know. Because like one of the humanitarian logisticians told me, There is a price to pay. Sacrifice is needed.

What will happen to my family? Will I get to settle down? Does this mean I will never get married? What will happen to my surgical training? Will it need to be disrupted? Which organisation will I work for or will I (as I’ve always dreamt) pioneer my own ministry? How will this happen? Where will I get the skills? How many more degrees and how much more studying would I need to know enough about transforming communities? How does this fit into my future timeline?

I don’t know.

All I know is that as time passes by and I walk closer to the milestone of becoming a doctor, the possibilities are endless. At the end of this stretch of road, lies a multitude of paths. Which one will I take?

What about you? What do you want to do with your life?

Once upon a time, did you have a dream? Did you get caught up with the realities of life and paradoxically, fold yourself into the fairytale space of pages lost within an unread chapter in a forgotten book somewhere?

At church today, I listened to a family leading a huge team of youth to various parts of the world ministering to abused children. This family is leading the Royal Family Kids’ Camp, and their dream is to create positive memories for hurting children all around the world. I watched them and cried. Because they carried their dream to fruition in spite of all that the world told them. The couple was in their forties- surely the realities of life had had their fair share of eroding their dreams. But here they are, transforming communities. There were endless possibilities, endless ways to make a difference, endless ways to bury their dreams too, but they found a way.

With God, they kept walking by faith and found a way.

So I’m praying, that God will continue to be my source of hope, not just on Sunday, but all through crazybusyhectic Monday to Saturday as well, and in time, unfold His story for me. And when the time comes, I’m hoping to walk right into the page in that written chapter and take on the role meant for me, because God can certainly make dreams come true.