Shepherd’s Voice.

Perhaps, one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn, was to stop listening to so many people. Even though there were many risk factors for the severity of my injury, the primary reason for it was my taking the bad advice of a pushy athlete who would criticise the fit of my bike every time we met. This is wrong, that is wrong, you should adjust this here, not doing this would just be stupid, listen to me…

Have you been in a situation like that before? Everybody has their own 2 cents to give you, and their advice, sometimes conflicting with one another, only leaves you more confused than you were to begin with.

I remember, just before a race, people would give me all sorts of advice. Because I was the only girl in my cycling group, I think some of the Big Boys saw it as their obligation to dish out advice from their personal experience. Don’t do this, don’t do that, remember this, remember that. What? I can’t believe he told you to do that, believe ME, that’s utter rubbish, do it my way, when I did THAT, I nearly died, oh my goodness don’t be a fool and take that sorta advice…

That’s the problem. Personal experience. Everyone has a different personal experience.

Recently, I had dinner with a Singaporean missionary doctor who has been serving the poor in Nigeria. With application dates for our specialty of choice looming ahead, I had many questions to face. What specialty do I choose? At which insititution? The one which has the best training or the nicest people? God, what did your signs mean? Were they even signs or mere coincidence?

For many months, I had been speaking to doctors, professors, my mentors, friends and my family for their opinions, perspectives and counsel. That day, the missionary doctor told me, “I can see you’ve done your research, Wai Jia. The thing is, I have no advice to give you other than for you to listen to the Shepherd’s voice. Giving you my opinion would simply be shaping you according to my own personal experience. I don’t want to do that because God has a brilliantly unique plan for every individual. And you are special.”

That was the best advice I’d received in months.

He went on to tell me how the cows in Nigeria from different farms would sometimes all get mixed up in the same field. But each time a farmer came and called out, only his own cattle would follow him home. “Listen to your Shepherd’s Voice,” was his advice.

They say there is safety in a multitude of counselors. But I am also learning, that too many cooks spoil the broth, and a crowd drowns out the True Voice which we ought to listen to. My injury taught me a good lesson. Had I listened to my instincts and left my bike the way it was, I might not have suffered so severe a blow. That day was the first day I had biked on it, trying out all the new advice I had received.

So I’m making my own decision about my specialty of choice, and about a crazy decision regarding an important issue. Unfortunately, it will not be an easy one because this decision will not please everyone. When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. This will upset some people, and disappoint others, but it is a decision I must make. After all, no missionary who went into the field to serve the poor ever pleased everybody before they took off. This is just a small simulation.

When I went to Nepal for 6 weeks to live in an orphanage by myself because I said I heard “God’s call”, even though it was the peak of the political unrest, my family thought I had gone mad. (They eventually sent me with their blessings, albeit with reservations as well.) When I finished writing A Taste of Rainbow and sent it to my publisher, with the intention of being open about my journey with depression to help other people find the courage to seek help and move forward, some people thought it was career suicide. Don’t do it, you’re foolish. Don’t you see, we’re stopping for your own good. Well, the soft launch is going to be in October.

When you’ve got to do it, you’ve just got to do it. I thank God He’s given me enough recklessness and foolhardiness. Someday, I think I will have to exercise the same resolve when it comes to marriage and my place for missions. I don’t think I will marry a normal person. And I don’t think I will necessarily go to a nice place for missions. But in other ways, I can sometimes be so overwhelmed by other people’s opinions. Do you think I should go? What should I do? Really? But what if?

I sometimes end up asking half the world, before deciding upon something. I forgot, the old me was always more independent, more single-minded. So I’ve decided, and I’m sorry you can’t stop me because I’m not telling. I’ve already told the people who need to know. Even some of the people close to me have been excluded from knowing, because sometimes, you just can’t please everyone.

I heard God calling me, it was the Shepherd’s Voice. Period. So it’s okay if people think I’m mad. What’s new anyway? I’ve decided. And if I haven’t already told you, I don’t intend to until I’m about to… take off.

Who are you listening to today?