Ears to hear.

Very often, life is learnt backwards. It is only on the rare occasion that we find any answers to our questions to life circumstances. Why did this happen? Why did that have to result? What does it mean to hear God’s voice? Does it even exist? We ask questions, but it is as if we are deaf, our ears unplugged only at the end when all is over. It is easy to suspect that some higher power might have set us up for this all.

Perhaps the truth is that life really is a set-up. Well, at least till we understand things retrospectively.

Last Sunday, I was assigned to teach my class of 7 to 8 year olds at church about how God answers prayers. I shared with them how our requests are at times granted, at times not, and yet at other times, simply delayed. How do you explain the complexity of the multitude of factors affecting the final outcome- faith, intention, motives, timing, and of course the final wild card known as God’s final say- to a group of children?

“Would you like to listen to stories today?”

“YEEEAAAAH!!!” They roared with delight.

I told them the story of Alisha, of which they listened with rapt attention. The whole idea of a little girl younger than them never having heard sounds before in her entire life seemed to grip them.

“So the doctors need money to put special tiny things in her ears so she can hear.”

“SPECIAL THINGS? BUT ARE THEY WATERPROOF? SHOCKPROOF? ANYTHING-PROOF?”

” Yes, dear. That’s why they’re so very expensive.”

All their faces were forlorn. How could it be that someone had ears which could not hear? I shared with them the little faith I had in the whole process and how much faith Josephine, the missionary, had. I told them how God answers our prayers when they are sincere and directed to help others. And when they heard that little Alisha was now in Singapore and would go for SURGERY, a word which triggered lots of quizzical expressions, they clapped in joy in the most endearing way.

“WOW. YOU MEAN THEY SEW STUFF IN HER EARS SO SHE CAN HEAR?!”

“Yes, indeed. That’s what the doctors will do!”

I also decided to ask, “Since it is good to pray for and help other people, is it wrong to ask for things for yourself?”

Some shouted yes, while others shook their heads ambivalently.

“Can I tell you another story?” They nodded enthusiastically. I shared with them the story of how generous God was in showing me His abundant love even when I was whiny and petulant. “Jiejie Wai Jia’s face was full of volcanoes” was my way of describing my bad skin breakout a few weeks ago, “and I felt so sad and ugly that I wanted to put a paper-bag over my face so I could hide!” They giggled even more.

“But a lady from church did something very nice for me after I prayed, you know. Look at my face now. Isn’t it much better?”

The little charmers rejoiced with me. ” SO God does answer your personal prayers too, you know. He really cares about you. But you know, sometimes, God also doesn’t answer our prayers. Sometimes, maybe it’s because something in our hearts is not right, or He wants us to learn something.”

That was when I told them about my bike, how it is too big for me and how I have been wanting a better bike for months, how I was mad at God for setting me up to encounter a really beautiful one only to have to let it go even though it was within my means, how I just didn’t understand. How they all gasped in comic horror when I told them my dream-bike cost a whopping two thousand and five hundred dollars, even though it was a worthwhile buy from its original six thousand dollars. I wanted them to know, that they weren’t the only ones who wanted things they couldn’t have. Big people have Wants with a capital W too. .

“Some of you told me just now how you really want a playstation, or a gameboy, or a pair of rollerblades. It doesn’t feel good not to have them, does it? How many of you have been sad because Mummy or Daddy says you can’t have something?”

Hands shot up.

“But sometimes we need to ask ourselves why we want them, and ask God whether He thinks we should have them. Yes? Sometimes, we may not understand why at that point, just like how I didn’t understand why I couldn’t have the bike, even though my own daddy said it was okay, said it was a gift for Christmas and my birthday.”

And then I paused because I really needed to, because it was hard for me to listen to the words come out of my own mouth.

“… So after meeting Alisha, I told my daddy to give the money for my new bike for her operation instead. Because maybe, God showed me that very expensive bicycle I really liked and told me not to buy that so that we could give that sum of money to little Alisha. “

The silence which followed what I said spooked me, because my class of kids are vocal and rambunctious. It was then, upon looking at their downcast expressions, that I realised that they really felt for me. They didn’t just laugh at my silly story, but these children really felt my pain. A little girl raised her hand up sheepishly.

“Yes dear?”

“So… … do you have your new bike now?”

They all listened silently, eagerly. I could see, they were all awaiting with bated breath, expecting me to say YES, since all my stories always end happily.

“No dear,” I said. I wanted to give her a hug. “But we trust that God has the best for us. Yes?”

I could tell they really felt for me, for each of their countenance fell.

I had to hold back the pressure building behind my eyes. I tried to be strong. My dream bike which I had imagined, prayed and longed and whined for for the past year was gone. Yet, a certain peace settled in my heart.

“So what did you learn today, class?”

“THAT WE NEED TO ASK AND PRAY IN FAITH!”

“THAT SOMETIMES GOD SAYS YES, SOMETIMES HE SAYS NO AND SOMETIMES HE SAYS WAIT!”

“And what did you learn today, Joshua?” This very serious and God-loving boy was very quiet throughout my entire lesson today. He had won my heart and swept me off my feet with his boyish good looks and impeccable manners since a year ago.

“Hm,” he said very thoughtfully and deliberately, “that maybe I should ask God what He thinks about my asking Mummy for a pair of rollerblades. I never asked Him what He thought of me having rollerblades before. “

I suddenly realised, that just as how Alisha’s ears would be “opened” this Thursday, it was because of her, too, that mine had been unplugged as well. Finally I could hear God’s voice and partially understand why He set me up, why He took the trouble to put me through the whole ordeal. Suddenly I understood a little part of His heart for the poor, the meaning of sacrifice and living on less. Had the bike been any more affordable, I would either have bought it, or the amount given to Alisha would be smaller.

I know people hearing me tell this story might scoff. For perhaps, I’m looking too much into the situation- it’s just a bike, what’s the big deal? Why look so much into it? It hurts, nonetheless, if only in a human sort of way, but God’s peace and joy surpasses it surely. And perhaps, I still really do want a better steed in spite of it all- I still have moments where I think about my decision with tears in my eyes. But maybe, I’m just still learning to hear God’s voice, that’s all.

Thank you children, for listening to Jiejie Wai Jia teach on Sunday. It meant a lot for me to share with you what I needed to let go. I learn so much when I teach you little folks. Thank you for feeling for me, and for being so interested always in what I have to share. Thank you for sharing with me what you learnt. I hope you apply these lessons in your own lives, and learn the quiet and precious art of hearing God’s voice.

And thank you Alisha, for giving me ears to hear, too.