Just like ever so often, you had waited for me for over an hour after work because some medical emergency had cropped up at the last moment that needed me to attend to just at the close of the day. It had been a long day, and after being harangued and snapped at by a cardiologist, anaesthetist and a string of angry families and patients, all I wanted was a warm hug and a little sugary something- and there you were right there, with a little treat as always, waiting for me.
We went to the supermarket together, shopping for the most mundane of things, and all that was on my mind was to go home and be quiet and get away from the mess and craziness of the little clinic room filled with stacks and stacks of never ending medical case files…
And you just scooped my hands into yours and reminded me of reality- that in that moment, I was yours, love.
” This will how it will be like when we’re married, won’t it be?” you said, referring to us going to the supermarket to pick up groceries before heading home.
” Yes,” I said. And running through my head were just thoughts of guilt waiting to be spilled and formed into words of confession like “but only I would be too tired to cook” or “but I would be grumpy after work” or ” and you would be waiting for me again for the umpteenth time… ”
And all you said was “Only I would be happier.”
” Happier?” I asked, bewildered.
“Because I’d be married to you.”
Wai Jia, this post fell on me like plump raindrops on an arid desert land.
You see, I was just discharged from hospital today after a week of being sick.
The stay was horrendous. At 3,6 and 9pm, I would think of ways to yank the IV cord out of my wrist and
Run into the open air, away from the
numbing cold air con, into Tanglin’s streets
(you’ll prolly guess which hospital I was in now) 🙂
I’ll admit, in that state of mind, God felt far.
Long story short: in a bid to get back closer to God,
I read up one of Watchman Nee’s books.
I was battling a fever at this point too- 2am.
But so desperate was I that it didn’t matter.
I sprayed some Vichy Derma mist, downed 2 Guardian panadols
And… Guess what?
God lead me to your blog 🙂
I read it in between streams of hot fever-induced tears.
My fever’s now gone
I feel God closer to me…
And I feel.. convicted.
Thank You.. For the rain on this parched land 🙂
*the comment applies to your post on Money btw 🙂 sorry, commented under the wrong Post