A year gone by in a flash, just like that. Today, marks the end of my year as a junior intern as I went to the national medical council to exchange my provisional license for full registration as a practicing doctor.
A year filled with 30-hour shifts, hundred-hour work weeks, emotional breakdowns, first resusitations, first deaths, first realizations of one’s capacity for ill behavior in times of duress…
And a year filled with events: working with Health Promotion Board to use my 2nd book to reach out to more youth-at-risk, speaking at events in between 30-hour shifts, proposing a new scheme for the hospital to aid needy migrant patients, one sprint triathlon, two research projects, three mission trips, finding the love of my life (or more accurately, having him find me), and now… after much prayer, having my parents say yes to our marriage this year.
It’s been a whirlwind year indeed.
A year filled with spending weekends and public holidays in hospital, of losing tempers in the face of hypoglycemia, sleep deprivation and burnout, of dealing with angry patients and families and nurses and bosses and facing complaints and humiliations and feeling altogether helpless sometimes.
And a year filled with unexpected surprises. Of receiving a 5 out of 5 evaluation from nurses in spite of my feeling ashamed at my reactions and behavior time after time. Of receiving feedback that I was trusted to take care of someone as close as their own mother. Of receiving an Outstanding Teaching Award from the hospital.
It’s been crazy. A year of rushed, forced down meals and 3am snacks. A year of bite-sized, easily digestible bible snacks instead of the real meat of the Word.
And a year of cooking, of learning. A year of hideaway picnics on riding escapades to our favorite forgotten corner of the earth, basking languidly in that time stolen away from the mayhem of the world. A year of being stolen away on dates after a mad, maddening day at work.
A year of struggle and tears and frustration and exhaustion.
A year of grace and thanksgiving and gratitude and tears.
Sometimes I look back and wonder if I have aged too fast, if I have lost too much of myself, if I have fallen away too far.
It’s finally over.
And with every chapter closed, comes a new chapter opened. Of new challenges and battles in Ophthalmology as the most junior doctor all over again. Of moving out and learning how to leave and cleave. Of learning what it means to be a wife and child and mother all at the same time.
And I only hold on to God and ask Him to hold on to me too, to unveil my eyes to the lost and brokeness in this world, in this new chapter of my life as a medical officer in the Eye department. I ask Him to renew my compassion, my empathy, my love for the hurting.
I have been proud and broken. Puffed up and bowed down. Anxious and forced to let go.
God, help me. Help me to become a child again who dreamed once, of love.
Fully registered. Tomorrow.
Overwhelmed in tears.
As with all things, we can give thanks.
“In everything, give thanks…”
– 1 Thess 5: 18