“Mummy, how do you think I did for my test?”
I froze. My mind raced. Was 80% good enough? Should I say yes? Should I lie?
Instead, I turned the question back. “How do YOU think YOU did?”
“Mama, I always do my best in everything, so I think I did well.”
Tears pricked my eyes.
A month ago, when she brought home a 47%, I locked myself in a room, heart pounding, holding back tears. Had I failed as a mother? Relief only came when I learned the test was far above the students’ level—adjusted for fairness, her score would have been good.
But why did it matter so much?
Deep down, I had to admit, that I’d tied my worth as a mother to my child’s performance.
Then, I read these words from the school principal:
“We believe growth in comparison to where one starts is a great measure of achievement. But even that does not define one’s worth—worth is given by God. Tests don’t assess a child fully. They don’t tell us about their kindness, humor, or the type of friend they are. Scores tell us something, but they don’t tell us everything.”
At a school movie night recently, a Tanzanian mum of a girl in a wheelchair came up to me and said, “I want to thank you for your (8-yr old) daughter. She brings my girl so, so much joy.”
Earlier this week, at a parent-teacher meeting, my 5-year-old’s teachers showed me the thank-you notes she writes them daily, saying, “You’ve raised your girl right.”
As I let those words sink in, I hugged my daughters, eyes brimming, and whispered, “I’m so proud of you. The way you’ve embraced such a new & different culture, the way you live bravely and joyfully every day— I couldn’t have asked for more resilient, more incredible children. That is what makes me proud.”
And this time, I knew I truly meant it.