So Cliff had this really romantic idea of taking me out for a birthday dinner after my birthday, because he felt the birthday itself was too busy.
I marveled at his thoughtfulness, at the long quiet drive through our favorite triathlon training routes…
Only to discover that oh man, I really hated the menu. 😩
I’ve never liked Italian food. Why would he take me to an Italian restaurant? Urgggh 😞
I was overwhelmed by disappointment. And just this morning, someone commented how we really ALIGN with each other. Really?!
As recent as 6 years ago, this would have been a really triggering event. He would have felt under appreciated. I would have felt unloved.
We would have walked out. The evening would have been ruined.
But I thought to myself- if I can’t break the vicious cycle of the same old conflict patterns after 12 years of marriage, something must be wrong.
I silently stewed, having no idea what to order.
Cliff ordered for me.
In that one moment, we had broken the cycle.
He was patient enough to hold my disappointment and give me the option to walk out. I was self controlled enough not to get upset and honor his table reservation.
“Maybe you’ll like Italian food,” he smiled his usual optimistic smile, with me rolling my eyes!
Sometimes, all it takes is a decision to break the cycle.
To not do what you’d used to.
I don’t know what kinds of conflicts you face on a daily basis, but trust me- Cliff and I get into all sorts of ruts all the time and we’re learning, one conflict at a time, to exercise patience, self control and grace as we identify triggers and old family-of-origin issues that shaped who we are and how we react to triggers and events in life.
And yes! I loved the food. It was fantastic.
Thank you, for a memorable night out, Cliff 💛