What a day. Our little 4-year old spent all day vomiting every meal and drink she’d had. Even then, she carried a spirit of joy and delight.
It’s unfathomable to me. But in her, I see Cliff’s indefatigable spirit of resilience.
We tried to feed her her favorite things, hoping things would take a turn for the better.
But it only got worse.
I could see that as our 4-year deteriorated physically, our 6-year old was crumbling emotionally.
She, too, was experiencing something hard.
We tried to manage the needs of our 4 and 6-year old.
SF (aged 6) had been looking forward to a sushi meal all week. When her lil’ sis EP puked all over the carpark before we entered the mall, and we decided it was time to head to the Emergency Dept for an anti-vomiting injection, it was SF who sobbed.
“Is this hard for you too?” I asked SF.
“Yes Mama. I am sad Meimei (lil sis) is sick, I’m sad we can’t enjoy dinner. I’m sad that there are so many…”
“Transitions?”
“Why are transitions hard, Mama?”
As I watched tears roll down SF’s cheeks, I asked Cliff if he could take EP to the hospital, while I took SF out for sushi.
I know it sounds silly- like, isn’t EP in a more acute state of distress?
But I’m beginning to see, how both our children’s emotional and physical needs are growing in competing importance as they grow. How each child has different needs that need tending to, sometimes even at the same time.
Over dinner, SF asked me, “Mama, can you do the board activity with me now?”
My heart swelled.
This was her way of asking if I could process her BIG unfathomable emotions with her.
I discovered, how all day, she’d struggled to find a rhythm to settle into.
Moving back to Singapore, starting school, having a sick sister, rushing to places, were all taking a toll on her little heart.
She just wanted a safe space to process these thoughts.
“Mama, I miss Papa and Meimei (lil sis).”
“Ah yes, but you can be grateful for dinner with me, no?”
I stopped myself, caught red-handed in dismissing how she felt by suggesting she be more grateful.
I remembered what I’d read from @drbeckyatgoodinside ‘s book “Good Inside”- on how 2 things can be true.
SF was missing our other half of our family AND grateful for time with me. Why can’t she feel both?
So I said instead, “I’m sorry SF- yes I understand you miss them. And you also like spending time with me. You have mixed feelings.”
At once I understood what it meant to be a safe adult to be able to hold ALL her emotions for her. Not just the ones I want to hear.
This was so hard 😭
When SF’s love tank was filled, all she could think of was asking if she could get a gift for her little sister to cheer her up.
How grateful I am for these resilient ones
💛
We talked about what transitions were (“Mama, what are transitions?”), all the adjustments she was going through, how that made her feel, and the definition of grief (which I explained as normal sadness in response to losing something or someone.”
I hope this helps you as your child adjusts to new schedules, or stressful transitions like exams etc.
