We’re not one of them.
Even in the early days of dating, our conflicts were intense. With two personalities poles apart, one who liked to suppress and avoid at all costs, with the other needing to sort and confront at all costs- things got hard.
Ten years on, we’ve been through some challenges. With over a dozen major home moves over 4 countries and two toddlers with recurrent chronic health issues to manage, the stress felt insurmountable at times.
Far from being the perfect couple—trust me, we’ve fought.
If you’re feeling stuck in your relationship, know this-you’re not alone. Heres what we learnt:
1. Don’t give up, pivot instead. When we first learnt the “speaker-listener communication technique” from our marriage prep course, it worked great. Seven years later, it didn’t work anymore. We thought our marriage was unsalvageable. Thankfully, instead of believing that lie, we pivoted. We scoured resources- believe me, there are a tonne out there.
If you’re stuck in your relationship, don’t give up. Pete Scazzero’s Emotionally Healthy Spirituality and Relationships resources pulled us out of the pits.
2. Commit to 30 min every week to clear your “emotional bank account.” Believe it or not, we all keep score. Dedicating a set time to talk about pet peeves and “little hurts” help to clear resentment & kill little foxes that build up over time. I love pressing RESET. If you’re starting this from a bad place, you might need help.
3. Get help if you need it. What’s wrong with getting help from a counsellor or pastor? But do it, not to change the other person. Do it, because YOU want to change and because you believe in your marriage.
4. Look at old photos often. When we’re in a rut, photos like these (taken in 2012!) help us remember our love before- wild & free.
It helps us cherish what God gave us to steward, and the mission He called us to.
5. Remember, the goal of marriage is not to make you happy, but holy. ❤️
Don’t give up. Your love is worth fighting for. 💪🏾