“ENOUGH. No more talking.”
In a fit of exasperation, I’d turned towards my firstborn seated behind, and said curtly.
Tired and hungry, we all felt cranky. Our second child wailed inconsolably. Our firstborn tried to talk over her, and I lost it.
To think that just that morning, a friend had complimented me on how calm I was as a parent.🤦🏻♀️
I turned back, half-pleased for a moment of peace as my husband began to drive off, when my firstborn whimpered, tearful- “You forgot to strap me in.”
All that time, that was all she was trying to say. That in her little sister’s fit of bawling, we’d forgotten to strap her in, compromising her safety.
Memories flooded back. Just a day ago, I’d met a mentor about reshaping work culture- we discussed my past traumatic experiences as a junior doctor. Looking back, those shout-downs were always because I’d voiced an uncertainty, a concern for a patient.
But here I was- doing the very same thing. Censoring a cry for concern because of a moment of irritation.
It dawned on me- that to create psychologically safe spaces at work, we must create space for dissent, to voice concerns, better ways of doing. For all my fears of being a poor leader, I realize – that forcing my way through is never best.
The harder, more uncomfortable way, is the way of listening, of what Brene Brown calls “rumbling”- that enables us to ask “tell me why this doesn’t work for you,” “help me understand,” “I’m curious about.”
This takes courage- to be possibly wrong. To say sorry.
I learned that day, that when we fail to listen, we drive dangerously, and put our teams in dangerous positions, too.
Our vehicle was a symbol of ministry. And my firstborn was my teammate. Because of my stubbornness, I’d put her well-being at risk.
Are you a leader in some way? Has it been stressful at times to get where you want to go? I get you. But perhaps, what we really might need is a stop check to rumble, to listen, to ask the hard questions- rather than silent voices just to rush ahead.
Shall we try better, to create safe spaces for a safe and happy team. ❤️