I went to bed, heart heavy.
Embarrassment, self-doubt, shame sat on my chest.
That day, two volunteers I met asked me the same question, “So actually, what is the purpose of @kitesong.global?”
I was honest- the truth was, is- that when I set it up in the States at Hopkins, it was an act of obedience. I didn’t really know.
Two years later when the pandemic broke out, who would have known, that our infrastructure used to translate, typeset and print our picture books would be the perfect fit to meet the health messaging needs of the migrant worker outbreak?
Later, we felt led to start a Singapore entity. But I was stuck with more questions.
More than a year later, we’re still refining our vision- to inspire youth to pursue their dreams. Even that, is “woolly.”
“I sense God wants me to lean into this discomfort of not knowing exactly, but man, how can I be a good leader if I don’t even know its purpose, @cliff.tam?”
“But isn’t that the life message you carry Wai Jia? To walk by faith, even if you don’t know where you’re going?”
At bedtime, I asked aloud, directing the question to Cliff, “So tell me then, WHO in the Bible had to walk out his life without knowing his purpose?”
“Moses,” said Cliff.
“EVEN Moses knew where he was headed! Even though he spent 40 years in the wilderness!“
It was then that 5-year old Sarah-Faith quipped, “JOSEPH, MAMA.”
In the dark, I went into quiet hysteria.
Tears. “What did you say?”
“Joseph, Mama.”
Friends, if you’re stuck in a tunnel, trying to figure life out, could it be that we’re too hard on ourselves to have everything figured out overnight?
Like Joseph, would you stay steady in the valleys, even when your vision looks murky? Would you stay faithful in the pit, even when the world crumbles around you? Joseph took 22 years before his abstract dream came to pass.
If you haven’t figured your organization or your life’s purpose yet, breathe. Perhaps you’ll figure it out tomorrow, or perhaps it’ll take a lifetime.
But I sure am glad, that like what Cliff reminded me- it’s more important to be faithful than to have it all figured out.