I will never forget the look in my husband’s eyes that day, writes Dr Tam Wai Jia.
“I felt so ashamed of myself.”
“Oh sweetheart,” I replied. I knew it cut deep.
“There I was on a Sunday morning trying to set up chairs for church service on a cold winter morning. We didn’t have enough volunteers. I was responsible for the set-up. And so, Sarah-Faith, barely two, sat on the floor, bawling after she failed, time and again, to get my attention,” he said.
“I am her Dad. I won’t forget the look in the eyes. There I was trying to win the approval of people on staff when my own daughter needed me.”
His eyes watered.
The truth is – he is not alone.
Scores of young parents face this unspoken pressure of “performing” in ministry in the same way they did pre-kids.
But that’s not the problem – the problem is how many of us expect people to serve with the same depth, intensity and modality, even after a significant life change such as the birth of a child.
Unconsciously, we say things like, “Wow, you’re so committed”, with a heart to encourage the newly-minted parent, without realising that there could be a strained marriage, a baby who needs more time with his/her parent, possibly a wife at home struggling with the loneliness of early motherhood or post-partum depression.
For an overwhelming number of new couples, welcoming a new birth can be a tumultuous experience.
A couple can be surprised in any number of ways: One’s parents, however enthusiastic, might be unable to care for a new baby; the couple may not be able, or desire, to hire live-in domestic help; late-night ministry sessions have become excruciatingly exhausting while trying to sleep-train a high-need, colicky baby.
This, on top of a high-performance church culture that we’ve all played a part in creating, makes for a dangerous transition for a young couple in church.
I’d like to offer young couples three questions to consider as they navigate their paths forward. Full article link below: