As if the illness wasn’t punishment enough, it was the guilt that killed me.
Like many moms, I blamed myself.
I remember when my firstborn’s eczema got so bad it covered her neck to ankle with red splotches while I was pregnant with my 2nd, my anxiety exploded.
I’m a doctor, I’m her mom, I should know what to do.
When we ran tests and pinpointed it to a cat allergy, I sighed relief, only to return to a vicious cycle of tears, desperate prayers and sleepless nights- when things worsened, still.
Then hives, with no identifiable triggers.
When nothing helped, I received a text from a well-meaning acquaintance about allergies being related to unforgiveness during pregnancy. Tears ran down uncontrollably.
Whether it was true or not didn’t matter, the crushing weight of guilt, shame broke my back.
If you’re a mother with children suffering from any sort of illness, you know what I mean. You’ve played the recording a thousand times, beaten yourself dry. You’ve googled every remedy, followed all the mum-preneurs who found the magic formula but feel defeated.
I want to remind you lovingly- it’s not your fault.
I remembered the days applying steroids and vaseline five times a day on an angry toddler, painstakingly wrapping her in 3-layered wet wrap therapy every night.
It was a GP friend who shared, “Her immune system will mature. For now, ride it out.”
Last week, as I watched my firstborn zip down the flying fox in the hot sun without breaking into a scratchy sweat and hives like she used to, my heart filled with gratitude.
As I think of the many moms who’ve cried, tried and striven to create solutions for their children (ours was me homecooking all our meals without additives), I want to honor all the moms who’ve persevered through those trials.
Keep praying, hoping. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of, guilty for. As Mothers’ Day draws near, remember you’re an inspiration. ❤️
To all of you who’ve blessed me with yr prayers and encouragement here, thank you ❤️
**For Mothers’ Day, we gave away 3 gift bundles to moms- If you would like to be part of our online community on Instagram and share in our joy of giving and blessing others, join me there on IG @tamwaijia.