No one wants to be a quitter.
After all, grit is all the rage- the quality defined as “passion and sustained persistence.”
That’s why we dig in and carry on.
But when does it become too much? When is it worth walking away from a job, project or relationship? How do we know if sticking it through is right, or if our escalating commitment is futile?
Years ago when I wanted to be an eye surgeon, I worked hard to climb the rungs. In medical school, I’d scraped through bad grades. But grit had my back. I pulled through.
So, I figured- in spite of my bloopers and the name-calling, the culture of Pradas and fast cars, if I plodded on, things’d work out. So I did. Even though I was miserable, and things grew toxic.
One day, when asked why Cliff and I were going to Cambodia for our honeymoon, I explained our wedding was raising funds for anti-sex trafficking ministries.
Pindrop silence. Then, “Who has the newest iPhone?”
Something broke me that day. I quit and never looked back.
Some would say that was weak. But really, it depends on what your values are. While grit helps one persevere through tough times to emerge successful, wisdom helps one know when to quit and grow anew. Discernment makes room for deciding when something has stopped aligning with one’s values. Courage is saying, “I won’t do this to myself anymore.” Faith is saying, “I can make a difference without killing my spirit.”
These are hard choices. For years, I felt ashamed.
But looking back, I’m glad that in making a heartfelt choice, I grew towards new possibilities, paved new paths.
So when people tell me how unsure they are of their futures, I congratulate them. You’re in far better stead than if you’re deadset on your goal “I want to be a neurosurgeon!” Because hell, what happens if that doesn’t work out? Your mind is stuck in a dead end.
So if you’re wondering whether to stay or walk away, at work or in a relationship, ask yourself what your values are. For only then, can you make the decision with courage and dignity.
And you’ll know for sure, it wasn’t that you didn’t have grit, but that you simply grew wiser, with deeper clarity. That is all.