It didn’t make sense.
It was counterintuitive, really.
If I didn’t act on it, no one would know a thing.
But that’s the thing about integrity, it’s what you do, the choice you make in the dark, even when no one’s looking.
Recently, as I’ve been pondering over the meaning of integrity, of 1. Honesty, 2. Being whole and undivided, I’m convinced that Integrity, like faith, is a muscle to be exercised. When worked against challenges, it gets stronger.
Months ago in January, after interviewing many firms, I finally found a great one to help with building our new website. The chemistry felt right, we were excited. They sent me their workbook and guide that evening, and looked to invoice me the next day.
But boom. Early next morning, I was informed of my urgent deployment to Africa to help with the humanitarian crisis. I never got to sign the contract nor transfer the funds. With things on hold, I explained we’d pick up our conversation when I got back.
Perhaps it was the uncannyness of the timing, that made me feel God was up to something.
True enough, months later, after our sponsor pulled out, something shifted. I didn’t feel led to go ahead with the firm anymore. By then, when our new team had formed, God had sent us a unique set of teammates to tackle this new website launch head-on.
I went back to the company’s email, downloaded the workbook they sent me, and within hours, the entire blueprint of the website became crystal clear in my head. My team, now fired up for the job, was convinced we didn’t need to hire another company to tackle this.
Then I felt a still small voice ask me, “You used someone else’s workbook. A workbook they sent to you with the understanding you’d sign their contract of $7500 USD.” The truth is- they’d never know. To some, it might have been a cheap win.
But I knew God was speaking, testing my heart. Would you choose integrity? I was afraid. What would I say? What an awkward email I’d write. And what might they do? Make me pay for it? Where would the money come from? My own savings- again?
But God beckoned me to trust Him. I felt Him say, “Will you build the foundation of your team’s culture on Integrity or on cheap wins?”
So I wrote that email. “I’m sorry we decided not to go ahead with your firm. But since we benefited deeply from the workbook you sent us which helped us get unstuck, the honorable thing to do would be to reimburse you for your time and expertise shared with us.”
I wrote the email and mulled over it for days. Praying. Fearing. Finally, I sent it.
A huge boulder lifted. I felt God’s pleasure beaming down at me.
No matter what the outcome, it was the right thing to do.
That day, I learned just that- integrity is being honest, undivided. Being the same righteous person before God and man.
Days later, the reply from the States came in. I held my breath. “We’re so happy you were blessed. Take it as a gift from us. You may write a testimonial for us if you wish but no pressure.”
My eyes teared. Our team rejoiced.
All this time, they too had been praying. And now, we all enjoyed savoring the collective witness of not only how integrity honors God, but now He honors those who uphold integrity.
If there’s something in your life today that needs realignment, readjustment, and you’re afraid it may cost you- would you ask yourself, is this honest? Will this make me more whole?
Let us be people we need not hide our children from, but people who can smile at them, with all our hearts.
We can do the right thing, even when no one’s looking. Because ultimately, our Father sees everything. Let Him be the one who beams at you, even in secret. 
